To those who look down on teaching profession

OK

Aku tau aku belum dapat kerja tetap lagi sebagai seorang guru sekolah menengah,

So, apa aku kate ni adalah berdasarkan

3 bulan mengajar kelas terakhir tingkatan 4 di SMK Sri Rahmat, one of the most notorious school in JB untuk subjek bahasa Inggeris

2 bulan setengah (and still counting) mengajar 2 kelas terakhir (subjek BM and Muzik) darjah 4 di SK Dato' Onn Jaafar, sekolah biasa2 di sebuah pekan called simpang rengam, Johor.

Glad we cleared those things up, so, u r free to taunt my credibility in saying this

In light of recent problems of new Educational Graduates who had been jobless for almost 4 months now

and the rumour saying that there is probability that teachers will get an RM 200 raise for their salary

and also thousands and thousands of sayings about how the educational system is politicised (seriously, people are shocked by this?)

There are some uneducated people who think that they are educated enough to say things like;

a) Oit, kalo setakat stayback sampai kul 4 kat skolah tu ape la sgt woi? Orang lain kerja smpi kul 5, ni baru masuk kul 7.30 balik kul 4 pun da bising, grow up la woi...

b) menyampah aku dengan cikgu cikgu ni sume, tetiap tahun gaji diorg je dok naik, gaki kita ni pegawai kerjaan lain dok kat situ je, masih lagi RM 2900, nape gaji guru da samapi 3 ribu lebih dah starting nye?

c) aku nak nasihatkan anak2 aku nanti jadik cikgu la... gaji diorg sume lebih, buat kerja bukan seberapa pun, setakat masuk kelas, ajar, kuar kelas, apa la sgt kan?

This is just a few which i saw own some politician's blog. Those are comments. I know i should not be affected by it, because like i said, these people are uneducated.

but

I just cant,

It is just that, i believe that some of us are busting our backs to teach ur delinquents that you called children and u go and criticise us?

Everyday we have to

enter class

screamed on top of our lungs telling them to use punctuations and good grammar when they write in the hope that all of them will comprehend

get out of class

do the reports

make panel letters

update the files

think of what to teach next

make sure no students will
-beat their friends
-rape their friends
-molest their friends
-stab their friends with their pilot pen
-stab the small, mousy new teacher with their pilot pen
-paint a mural using a knife on our cars
-jump from that tall building over there
-break their tables and chairs
-bully their friends until they want to jump off from that tall building over there
-bully the small, mousy new teacher until she/he wants to jump off that tall building over there
-wear their sports attire when they are told to
-wear at least more than one article of clothing to school
-wear make up
-whore themselves around
-force their friends to touch their private parts
-force the small, mousy new teacher to touch their private parts
-touch their own private parts and get off in class while their teacher is happily explaining about what 'befuddling' means
-touch the teacher trainee in his/her private parts
-touch him/her at all
-fail to listen to instructions in class
-forget about what being taught in class
-not know how to read
-not know how to count
-not know to at least write their own name
-make their teachers want to borrow the shovel from the tukang kebun and hack themselves to death
- - in short - become and asshole when they leave school while scoring their SPM/PMR/UPSR with good results


(the list that i have listed is what i have encountered in both school - true stories)

what I am trying to say is that, being a teacher is not as easy as it seems, so you ingrates who are under the impression that we go to school to just sit around, shout to students and go back while receiving a big fat RM from our PM are happily living in lala land

We are busting our backs seriously

at least i do

(the statistics below are taken from my students in SK Dato Onn Jaafar, where i teach BM, Muzik and I am a class teacher - nicknamed a single father of 34. I teach two classes for three subjects - one more being pend moral)

6 of my students cant read well
they are 10

67 of them have some attrocious family background that makes them lose hope to live
they are 10

6 of them have lost at least one of their parents
they are 10

2 had lost both parents
they are 10

18 are living with at least one ailing parent
they are 10

NONE of them have parents who earns more than RM 2000
they are 10

1 had lost her parents to a most tragic even you can think off
she is 10



So people, on top of my work to tell them how to use tanda baca, how to spell, how to read, how to write, how to speak, how to use big words, how to listen

I have to be some kind of a life coach to this kids

on top of all the admin work that we do

come on, give us more credit will you

sorry if i offend any working teachers...

A lousy week, a bad year

I had a hard week...

Had some feud with people I love...

had a 'great' time at school...

And suddenly I lost the will to just do anything...

I am not usually like this,,, I dont sit and laze around.

In my free time, I

1.Write
2.Google some interesting facts on the net like finding out how people in Timbuktu lives
3. I run, like work-out la

but I dont know... It started with one thing, i mean one problem...

and then my mind mysteriously raked all past disappointments (which I had pushed back waaaaaaaaaay down in self-loathing pool inside my brain) back up...

things like

1. How could I have stopped writing for over a year
2. How could i gained like 16 kg in just one year
3. How I couldn't run like 2 km as though its nothing anymore...

It gets to me man...

If i have used that year wisely, I would still maintain my stamina, and I would have thousands of short stories to rewrite...

but I have none... but i have lots of fat...

so today... i tried to create a timetable for myself

woke up early

took my breakfast (at this point, i was impressed at myself)

didnt eat at all in school

Used a new method to teach today (and magically everyone actually did their work quietly)

Went back home, did some weights (pulled a muscle at the back of my hip, painful till now)

and started to continue writing, managed a thousand words today

went for a jog, couldnt do more than 2oo meters, was breathing like a wheezy old guy on his deathbed,

went back home and wallow in self pity...

When i think back...

I didnt only had a lousy week

I had a bad year...

but hey, the year hasn't ended

and even though the government sees fit to not take me up for a job they had been training me for...

and i have my graduation to look up to...

and a date... (Blush)

so...

I just have to get off my ass, and do something!

I need to survive, and I dont want to die of heart attack at 26...

Hopefully i will stick on my routine this time...

What I Want...

Sometimes we have wants and it screamed a lot louder than our needs. For Example, there was one time when I depleted a whole lot of my deodorant, but i refuse to buy a new one since I think i want to use the same amount of money for a KFC meal - hence a smelly customer in a KFC outlet.

So in this moment of free time from scolding my students to have better writing.

I want to list down all my wants...

1. I want to get posted... I mean, RIGHT NOW!
---- it seems as though that my loving government kinda forgotten about my existence... it is kind of they had shoved our documents aside and tend to bigger needs like - the pilihanraya

2. I want lots and lots of money
---- not like i work for it kinda thing... i want a huge sum of money - like 10 million ringgit - to just fall on my lap, so i can make all the following wants real...

3. Buy a huge house, the kinda house that could make Elizabeth II think that BUckingham is a shack.
---- Just so that i can put my whole family members in it so that everyone will have their own personal space and can cry without anybody else hearing them.

4. Live in Putrajaya
---- I want to live and work here, is that possible? I love this place, it is well-planed. And Alamanda is so deprived of people... spacious... and it has GSC...

5. To own a huge library
---- in my huge house, they will be a huge room just devoted to books, so that i can run into it escaping from all life's commitments for one minute

6. To stop certain people from swimming in a pool of debts...
---- easy right? If i have 10 million ringgit, i can stop these people from creating a whole new set of debt, right?

7. To just sit quietly in one space, with my laptop, without the sound of any whinings or fake ass crying, and write a book.
--- there is a probability if this happens... everything else in the list above could be true... but i am not any good, and that is why there is wants #8;

8. To have a crazy writing talent that could sink Harry Potter like titanic
---- if i can only snap my fingers and make this true... if only.,, but nothing can happen unless you work for it

9. TO go around the world without thinking of the expenditure...
---- right, even the money spinning datuks and datins think about the expenditures right... what more a part time pekerja macam aku ni...


Well, it is like desire, like sometime you close your eyes and imagine things are truer than what they are in your head. How I wish... some people may think that it is too materialistic,... but this is just a moment of weakness... like you cannot think of anything else but to just snap your fingers...

I know it cant happen... some of the want is near to an impossibility... but hopefully it can be achieved...

Writer's block

I have a story

with a pretty good ending

with pretty good conflicts

with 7 most interesting characters that I have ever created

but I cant seem to end it,

because I feel that I am not good of stringing words into a story.

Whenever I read thing back, i felt

the story is choppy, and abrupt

staccato

and i am haunted by my past

2 years ago, when I was still actively writing

I managed to write things that are beautiful

but now, after two years of not-writing

It seemed that I can't write anymore...

I feel so empty...

Damn, I am melancholic fool again...

Revelations in many roles

I shouted as though my lungs were hurting when it strikes me that Theater class has ended. I was very relieved, the whole time when i was still in the period of hating the class, i forced to look for the silver linings - there must be one, at least one...

When it ended, i actually took a moment - yes, Azhar takes moments - and look at my group members, we did good, we were awesome. We had fun at the end game. I realised a lot of things, learning experience is what i describe theater class now, before it ended i described it as @&%$#@ experience. Learning experience, not just about theater, but about communities and people and myself. I mean, one thing about theater is that - i was forced to hld several roles at a time, and with each roles i learn one thing, and here - i want to break the roles one by one;

Azhar Khan as a Friend

Oh yeah, we fought in our own group, i know now that i dont know how to socialise, i have the social skills of an iguana. I messed up a lot in the group, and sometimes the people that were affacted by the mess i made can either be patient or act out. They say i have problems explaining myself (thus similarities between me and an iguana, have you ever seen an iguana socialise?). So, this is what ihave to learn --> Socialising 101: Its effects and when to limit oneself

Azhar Khan as a Manager

Oh dear, I am a mess. I am the royal incarnation of everyone who has ever been called a klutz. I have this problem that i always pushed my worries into the subconscious and i wont think about it again. And that is what i did with my group. I have problems also to manage people, i mean, i have to hold on to the fact that i cant make everyone happy right? Alas, i tried and failed miserably, either i needed to be mean and be hated by my group members and make the theater a succes, or just shut up and drink in every crap my group members threw my way and make the theater a flop. I dare say i did a little bit of both, and the theater turn out to be a succes... that is what i called nasib baik. But, we paid our dues, we wroked hard for that succes man, you have noooo idea....

Azhar Khan as a Director

I am not as creative as i think i am! Yeah sure i told my actors on where to exit and where to enter, but it will result in confusion still, even i had taken sometime off to sit and think of my often stupid decisions. Off telling how my actors should act? Here comes another problem... should i pushed them? or should i not? Telling the crew of what to do is also depressing. Off all the theaters, i think my group have the simplest lighting directions and music (i have only four music, how little is that?) but still it results in chaos while we are rehearsing - thank god everything went perfect for the final performance. I am so scared of telling people what to do, need to be more brave...

Azhar Khan as an Actor

Are you kidding me? Sure i got the award for best actor when i was 11, but come on! i had only 2 lines for a five minutes play, and other boys were all extras, there was no other actors, of course i got that award. Now, i was confused with my own character which i have created myself, what should i be, how should i speak? Are you kidding me? I cant act, the iguana can act better than me. The important thing is that i tried, and some people (who i think are really nice) actually said they liked me (even when i only have like 5 lines).

Azhar Khan as a Scriptwriter

This i enjoyed the most. I love doing this, and when people actually said they liked it, i am so relieved, the feelings is as though an iguana can finally fly or smile. When the lecturer asked me to cut a lot of scenes i was sad as hell, you see, i have this weird relationship with things that i write, it is just that, well, ok i Love them, it is like my baby, so who likes to hear that their babies needs tweaking. Okay, okay, i know, i am weird.

So, those was the many roles that i had when i was doing the course. Damn, i learnt a lot, and hate to admit!

Habuk:  Laa... tu la pasal, sape suruh ko gile kuasa

Azhar: Suka hati aku la.... ko sibuk apasal?

Habuk: Nengok macam aku, satu je role aku; lepak kat blog ko yang busuk

Azhar: Kuang ajo! huiiiisssshhhhhh (tiup)

Habuk: I'll be back!