Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Women, Feminism and Chauvinists

©Picture by AzharKhan

*When I say 'women' and when I refer to them as 'they' in this posts, it does not mean ALL women, this is just for them who call themselves feminists

My mother - the strongest woman I have ever known - once taught me that I need to respect women, and she emphasized on the fact that I should never hit a woman. I used to wonder why did she taught me that, because when I was small, my sisters (were not perfect) but they were such nice people that I thought my Mother did not have to remind me that - but, when I grew up, I came to know about the existence of feminism, and I thank God that my mother taught me what she taught, because I need the reminder so that I can brace myself against the feminists' pholisophy.

Now, I am not here to say that women are evil, but feminism is. Feminism is a philosophy that was birthed when women in America who fought their hardest to vote. The thing is, feminism was a must when women was still deprived of their rights, I respect(ed) that, but you see, I have never given Feminism a serious attention until one day, when I was in my class (trying my hardest to grasp the idea of linguistic), my female classmates and my lecturer started this talk about women's rights and how chauvinistic men can be.

In the midst of a heated argument, suddenly a male classmate piped in his opinion, which I think was quite rational - If women wanted equality SO much, why men still have to carry heavy things for them? Why men have to open doors for women?

Now, I am not saying that men want to stop being gentlemanly, but I was just wondering why do men still need to play our role as a man if women are not interested in being a woman. In the heated argument, my lecturer suddenly fired a question at us - Why do you boys hate to go to the kitchen so much? Will the act unman you?

I was bewildered... for one, I as a man, loves to go to the kitchen to either eat or cook - because I want to eat. Most men knows how to cook. I admit that there are some men who don't know how to but this is not the case, the thing is - our eastern culture does not define men to stay in the house and ready the household, men's obligation is to bring in the money, and to take care the welfare of his wife, mother, daughters and sisters. At least this is what Islam taught us to do, if taking care the welfare of the wife is to help her cleaning the toilet all by himself, so be it - that is his obligation.

I admit that some men in the past (and present too) are chauvinistic, they deprived women of their rights to even to speak just because they are the weaker sex, so women learn how to be strong, until to the extent that in some countries when men have stop depriving women of their rights, women still have their feminist movement - they do not want to cook anymore, they want to bring in the money - fine, but they still have some obligations to fulfilled, when my lecturer asked me that question, it tells me something, women are actually ashamed of their own roles, they think their responsibilities are second-classed by what men do. They think that cooking is not as good as doing some jobs outside and bring in the money in, they call this patriarchal.

Now the feminist situation is even as bad as when a man replace a pregnant woman in a corporate office, they say that it is sexism. They would say that 'Why do I have to be replaced just because I am on a labor leave?'

PRIORITIZE please, your biggest role is to be a mother, not a worker, why would women think that being a mother is secondary that being a worker? I would never understand this, this is not sexism, this is common sense. When some women stop working and become a mother full-time, other women would say that they are stupid and submitting to the laws of a chauvinist...

Dramatic much?

The point here is (before some women will come out to get me), women sometimes are campaigning even to those who are not chauvinistic. Both men and women are born with their own respective roles, own up to it, embrace it, and do not ask more that what you can actually do.


  1. I do know what to say,
    but somehow or rather,
    what you said make some sense

  2. like i said before, most women (ME) fight for the rights to be Respected not to be Equal…

    The point is how many men actually can accept women as Women... there are thousands of men outside who view woman as servants at home, kilang anak, sex object and all the negative things.. it's good to know that u r not 1 of them but the things is, the mentality itself - women are supposed to be at home and look for the family while the husband brings money to the house. u were saying that when women go to work (fighting 4 their rights), they actually abandon their priority??? i dont think so..

    My mom is a working woman. she goes to the work so early in the morning still, she prepares the breakfast and even lunch for me.. my father??? he just goes to the office and never bother of all the small things... i'm not saying that is bad but that's how most men are... my mom never abandon her responsibility. although she is working, she can still take care of the family... i asked my mom why do u have to work and u know what she said, she cannot bear to let my father takes the responsibility alone... is that what u call feminism??? if my mom does not work, we cant even afford to buy a car... what she did for us is much more important than what is so called feminism here...

    It’s good to know that u really respect ur mom… we respect our mother because we are their children but how about our father?? The thing is, we are not ashamed to do all the house chores but they way we are being treated is totally annoying. When is the last time we heard ‘thank you’ from our father and shows some appreciation to our mother??? When? How many times???

    i dont want to argue more and i respect ur opinion but i think u only look at it from the perspective of men and of course it's totally different from my views... u r not the one who have to face the society… being a woman is not easy…

    it's true that some women are really fighting for the rights to be equal and i dont agree with that... for those women outside who abandon their main priority just to be equal with men i have to say that they are moron.. women have some obligations and these people are jusr could not understand it...

    as for me, as long as it is not against the religion, it should be fine.

    i told u that i dont wanna comment.. see i could not stop typing...

    Above all, it's jz my opinion.. regards to u..

  3. 'i asked my mom why do u have to work and u know what she said, she cannot bear to let my father takes the responsibility alone... is that what u call feminism???'

    Read my blog again, Did i say that as feminism?

  4. i know u didnt point it that way but when u say this
    "PRIORITIZE please, your biggest role is to be a mother, not a worker, why would women think that being a mother is secondary that being a worker? I would never understand this, this is not sexism, this is common sense. When some women stop working and become a mother full-time, other women would say that they are stupid and submitting to the laws of a chauvinist..."

    It seems that u are saying that working women are considered to be feminists... and the point when you say that when some women quit from the job to take care of the family, other women would say that they are giving up to chauvinist... really??? Did you really make a survey to support this???

    i dont view that as chauvanist but it's more to sacrification of the mother which most men could not understand...

    actually, it's very simple... women feel that being mother is secondary is because the husbands make them feel so...

  5. gee. so THIS is the heated topic. Feminism. Hm..first of all, congrats to Azhar for writing such strong views. Ziham, how come u r not in the debate team? haha. Im not sure about malay culture, but being born in a chinese family, i never see my mom being disrespect or suffer from any forms of chauvinism. mom does the cooking, dad does the laundry. cool ritE? mom chooses the veges and fish, dad pays and angkat. both pay for household bills, our education and family trips. so can this be said that feminism is dramatically reduced for the past few years, if not decades? last time yes la, the china ladies, u should see how miserable their lives were, especially if they gave birth to girls. But then again, RESPECT is one of the most important and basic key in a relationship, especially married couple. when you love and respect someone, you would eventually want her to be happy (reduce her workload = help out in kitchen). tambahan pula, dont u guys think that guys who helped out in the kitchen are 'appetizing'? haha. i do. haha.

    "Dear Khan, just dropped a comment since you wanted it so badly." - sounds sarcasticlaly familiar? haha. guess. haha.

  6. haha... thank you Yiing...
    what you are saying is, we just need to be neutral...

    exactly, you have given new lights to my post... im attacking those who are in both extremes... both chauvinists and feminists...

    and i agree about what you say with respect...

    thank you again Yiing...

  7. I'm gonna write something about this, this has been bugging me for quite sometime and coincidentally Azhar mentioned about this.

    I have very high respect for women, for many things. I grew up with stories of the chivalry code, to a point where there was a time when I see women as something more than human, near sacred level. However, feminist that I know just keep on making me sick.

    Let me make this clear first, I believe in equality, I believe that both sexes could achieve great things, I believe both have potentials. (Even in the virtual world, I keep beating the crap out of people who keep saying female characters are not on-par with the male counterparts)

    putting that aside, this is based on my personal experience, my encounter with a feminist.

    They keep on harping about all the feminist issue, equality, glass ceiling bla bla bla and is very vocal about it whenever the issue is brought up. Sometimes they would stood up, loudly agree to all the feminist issue being discussed. Well, everyone is entitled to their opinion, however whenever it is convenient they would cower behind their status as a women to their own advantage.

    A moment ago they were talking about equality, unfair treatment and etc, but the moment to choose who to hold certain responsibilities or lead something, they would shut up. "You guys should do it". Hypocrites.

    When Azhar mentioned PRIORITIZE, he reminds me of Dr. Fauziah, she said that what is there to be ashamed of taking care of you child. She said that taking care of a child is a task so important that even if you quit your job, its not something to be ashamed of. It is a demanding job after all. Of course there are multi-tasking mothers, my mother is one of them too. My respect to her. It is really about knowing your priorities and your limits.

    HOWEVER, not all feminist see this. They are a feminist just because they want to prove a point, not because they really understood the cause of being a feminist.

    Its like "why do you speak in malay? / Well everyone speaks the language"

    I doubt I would have much arguments with a REAL feminist though (as in have a real reason to be so and understood every part of why to be a feminist) because it is just another view from a different spectrum, and at least they would stood up and live up to what they say.

    but for the rest of the feminist, especially the ones that I know, I'll just write this down. I look down upon you.


    comment from someone who suffers society withdrawal syndrome

  8. wow Kei... you couldn't say it any better...

    thank you...

  9. Whatever Ziham said I WONT AGREE AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!Not in the mood to condemn her for now but equality??Heh..U seek for equality but in this society nowdays u will see they are no equality treatment for different gender.For example..If u see a woman stab a guy u will say she wanna protect herself n most probably they will escape any death mandatory..If guy stab a woman 99% they will been hang to death..Can u see the gander bias now?Ziham u wanna proof?Go google thsi case..U will see it occur everday..Fix this than we can talk about equality..If woman can do heavy jobs like man did n no complaint than u can talk about equality..No complaint about how tired they are while actually this vagina people only whork in ofice while their husbands who work in construction give no complaint..Fix it than we can talk about gender bias...