Off Being Gay...

There was one time when I finished my form 5, I went to work as a cashier. So usually cashiers are females, I was the only male cashier there – or at least I thought I was. When I was still in my training, I asked my trainer about my all-female colleagues, there was this one ‘Akak’ who did caught my attention, she was tall and thin and beautiful – and she turns out to be a guy! 

I was so shocked, being a 17 year old at that time, my horny-ness always urged me to fantasize about girls, and that ‘akak’, - before I knew he was a guy – have visited my dreams for quite sometime. Only after I knew, the dreams turns out to be a nightmare – something about a penis sprouting out from someone’s vagina – told you, a nightmare right? How much pressure can you put on a 17 year old?

So anyway, when I started going to college four years ago, my eyes was more exposed to these ‘girls who turns out to be a guy’ thing. I was educated by some of them that there are guys who looks like guys but looking for guys. Honestly, I don’t really understand. Most of us don’t understand how guys can look for penis rather than boobs… most of us turns a blind eye if we know that our friends enjoys sexual pleasure from a same sex partner.  

Some of these ‘guys who love guys’ people are discriminated, at some time they were abused, another time they were mocked at, some certain time they were raped (?) by some of the straight guys. Sometimes, they were approached by a religious group asking them to stop being gay – this brings me to the next question – Is being a homosexual a choice?

                       Which one would you choose? Megan or Brad?  

                                                                 
If it was a choice, why do these people choose to be one? Are they mad? I honestly don’t understand how can a guy reject boobs – (Imagining Megan Fox running in slow-motion, in a tight see-through white shirt, without any bra on – oh my God!) The idea of a naked Megan Fox can make any guy crosses their leg, so how can some guys turn down the idea of a naked Megan Fox and opt for a naked Brad Pitt instead? So, is it really a choice? If I was given a choice – Megan Fox, HERE I COME!!! 

Some of the Homosexual guys that I know said that, they were that way since the day they were born. Huh, is it really inborn, did God really make them that way? Some religious group told me that that this is not the case. Making love to a same sex partner is a sin, so is it true that the feelings are inborn? 

There is this Movie – Sutun, which had made me, opened my eyes about the homosexuals. (You should really watch the movie):

 It is said in this movie, the boy, who is homosexual – after being rejected by the Man who is also his tutor. Went back crying and he did the Solat Sunat Taubat.  Then he sat, thinking how can he overcome the feelings, he decided to accept the Feelings but never to indulge in it again, he said it is Jihad, ‘Jihad Melawan Nafsu’ means War to go against his desires. Since most religion condemns the same sex relationship.

This is when I got thinking. We always have problems right? Out of Money, family members or best friends dying, broken up with boyfriend/girlfriend – but it is a common understanding that all problems are actually tests from God to see how much faith do we have in Him. So, I think, God loves people with these ‘same sex’ desires more, he gave the feelings to them to test them 24/7 how much faith do these people have in Him, how long can they stand before they commit a sin, and do they repent if they do. Every time when we have problems, we have the tendencies to resort to do something stupid – which is always sinful, so for these ‘Homo’ guys, will they resort to do something sinful?

My conclusion is, if there is any ‘Homo’ guys out there, you are actually blessed, you have problems in which when you have patience against – you are given rewards more than you think. After all, we are not living for this world, we are living for the next.

For the people who think that they are normal, don’t abuse/discriminate/rape these people. Help them to stay strong against the feelings, because indulging in it is wrong, turn a blind eye as a friend committing a sin is also sinful. Let’s help these heroes, Mana tau dapat sikit-sikit tempias pahala diorg?

“Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan apa yang terdaya olehnya. Dia mendapat pahala kebaikan yang diusahakannya, dan dia juga menanggung dosa kejahatan yang diusahakannya.”
                                                                                                                        (Surah Al-Baqarah: 286)
   

Mengapekah colour kulit aku dihakimi?

Kenape mesti colour kulit aku nak kene judge?

4 tahun lepas, semasa aku berkerja sebagai seroang cashier yang berjaya di sebuah hypermarket di kampungku, zaman ini adalah zaman Jaclyn Victor baru menang Malaysian Idol. Penuh corong radio dok mendendangkan lagu dia Gemilang - aku yg memang berminat ngan Jaclyn Victor penat menghafal lagu tu - takde la menghafal cam aku menghafal sifir 9, aku hafal pasal aku asik dengar je.

Nak disebutkan kisah, radio kat tempat kerje aku time tu tak habis2 mendendangkan lagu Gemilang tersebut. Sampai la kalau aku tengah melayan customer pun mulut aku boleh masih terkumat kamit menyanyi lagu tu jugak (takdela kuat sgt). Sampai la muncul seorang makcik ni nak membayar, aku pun melayan la makcik ni sambil mulut aku menyanyi... tetiba je makcik ni tercakap;

'Eh, pandai anak india sekarang nyanyi lagu melayu kan?'

Aku terdiam, ish, takkan la aku sorg je kot anak india yang boleh nyanyi lagu melayu? Aku tergamam jap, tangan aku pun turut berhenti dari nak scan barang yang makcik tu nak beli. Pastu aku senyum la, tak taw ape aku nak jawap, umo aku 17 mase tu, mentah lagi (haha).

'Selalu ke dengar lagu melayu?'

'Selalu jugak la MakCik' Aku menjawap sambil tersenyum tanpa ikhlas.

'Wah, anak cakap takde slang india kan?'

ish makcik ni, sume India cakap mesti ade slang ke? Same je la kalo org melayu cakap tamil mesti ade slang lain. Kenape la mak aku tak ajar aku cakap tamil, rase rugi tau tak?

'Anak ni, orang melayu ke bela?'

aku hanya mampu mengelengkan kepala, bila la barang makcik nak abes ni?

'Tak sangka org india pun minat nyanyi lagu melayu' MakCik tu sambung lagi...

'Er... MakCik, Jaclyn Victor pun india makcik... tapi dia nyanyi lagu melayu' aku membalas....

Aku pelik lepas makcik tu belah, aku pandang sekelilingku - ntah berapa ramai yang fikir aku tak pandai berkata dalam bahasa kebangaan Malaysia ini... oh aku sayangkan bahasa Melayu... tapi kenapa pasal kaler kulit aku org fikir aku bangang ha? Tipu la kalo kate org india tak pandai cakap bahasa melayu... jangan la stigma kan... tensen betul aku...

Aku ade membe ni, nama dia Siamala, seorang anak India jugak macam aku, tapi kelebihan dia adalah dia pandai bertutur dalam bahasa tamil (masih lagi tensen yang mak aku tak ajar aku bahasa tamil). Tapi korg nak tau tak? dia masuk debat bahasa melayu kot... dan bole plak dia menang... so? apa masalahnye lagi? kenape nak cakap 'wow, seorg india masuk debat... hebat!' La... dia org malaysia gak... macam kau dan aku... komfem la dia bole memperhebatkan diri dalam bahasa melayu....

Ni la, orang malaysia ni tak abes2 nak pikir yang bahasa tu milik satu bangsa, agama milik satu bangsa... weh... sume bende tu tuan punye dunia yang punye la! Sume org bole gunakan bahasa tu... sibuk ngan identiti... naik bosan aku... rilek2 sudah... sukati aku la kalo aku ni india nak ckp bahasa ape pun... ish ta paham aku..

Ntah la... sampai kekadang bile aku masuk masjid pun ade orang tegur aku ni muallaf ke... la... takkan la aku sorang je yang bermuka tak macam melayu masuk masjid... takkan la agama islam tu org melayu punye?

Mase aku tunggu bas haritu kan... tetiba ade satu mamat india ni... dia da pandang aku senyum2 da... aku ingat dia syok kat aku.. meremang gak la bulu roma aku... (sebab aku bukan gay) pastu tetiba dia datang dekat... aku tau la aku ensem... tapi aku ingat dia tertarik kat aku... rupanya dia nak check aku ni bangsa ape...

'Tamil terrimma (tahu bahasa tamil ke)?' Aku paham la yg ni... sebab ni mudah sgt...

'Sikit2' Aku balas dalam bahasa melayu... mmg sumpah aku ta pandai cakap... mak aku org tamil, bapak aku benggali... dua2 cakap bahasa lain... pasal tu la diorg decide bahasa melayu sbg bahasa kebangsaan dalam umah aku.

Pastu dia ketawakan aku... aku da tak puas hati... apsal lak ni? Aku cam nak hagul je pale mamat ni kat tiang. Pastu adla plak membe aku kat sebelah aku ni (Yang ngah tunggu bas ngan aku la) mnyuarakan pendapat;

'Dia ingat dia sedare ko'

Ish, mmg la aku ngan mamat tu serupa, sebangsa, bole plak dia nak ketawekan aku ta pandai cakap bahasa tamil (makin membuak tensen aku kat mak aku pasal tak ajar aku bahasa tamil)

Tapi ntahla... aku pun, yang lahir dalam keluarga campur pelbagai identiti ni tersangat la kompius, kenapa mesti nak maintain identity yang mempunyai ciri solid yang takleh nak tukar...? Tuan punye dunia cipta bende ni dalam keadaan pelbagai supaya kita berusaha mengenal dan menimba ilmu (motivasi ku) bukan untuk kita declare yang sesuatu ciri itu milik kita?

Walhal badan/body kita yang hot ni pun hanyalah pinjaman dari tuan punye dunia... bukan milik kita... lagilah bahasa dan bangsa...

bodo betul org yang judge aku paki kaler kulit aku... tensen...