February and March

So it has been a long time since I have updated this blog

There has been a lot that i want to update like

a) the fact that i cycled for more than 3 km that one time
b) the books that I read
c) a few lessons that was fun to carry out in class

however, i found myself not to have time.

5 weeks ago, on one friday night - I called a friend and told him that my life here in that school has reached to an all new low... the phone call was very depressing.

After that phone call, i took leave for a day - the resting time didnt help

however, i went to JB for one weekend to remind myself that my life is actually bigger than the school

it worked - i went back to work determined not be affected by gossips and rumors.

I tried to do all the responsibilities that i was given, and i was given a lot

under the pretext that a new teacher cannot bargain, I was quiet, and did the best that i can.

i was given the task of
1. Training and managing the hockey (male and female) for 2 major competitions
2. Managing the cricket team
3. Managing the cricket club
 (this is a science school, all these are as active as an epilepsy attack)
4. Training the Drama team
5. Training the debate team
6. Training the International Symposium team
 (again, a science school, all very, very active)
on top of
7. 25 periods of classes (2 form 5 classes)
8. An extremely active english club
9. a 24 hours warden duty

you might say that I'm complaining here, and i did complaint, I went and see my PK KOKO, the pengetua, the PK1 and told them i had too much. they say that they have not enough teachers, and i have to endure all that until new teachers came

and my prayers was answered, 9 new teachers reported

2 of them knows hockey, I asked the two of them to help

and the senior teachers decided to say that i was trying to exert my seniority by pushing my responsibilities to the new teachers.

I asked them for help, i didnt give them the driver's seat

so the plethora of gossips begin

they who once had been my friends turned and stabbed me in the back

they reported the big boss men all their slanted opinions about me

they started to scrutinise every single responsibilities that i had and concluded that I couldn't do things well

I was shunned

the new teachers, now knowing full well of reputation treated me with disrespect - not even as a collegue

I started to falter and they pounced on me

on top of everything my form 5 students decided to be difficult

and to teach those arrogant bastards a lesson, i didnt enter their class

the senior teachers decided to pounce on that too

and them came the panel meeting- where i became the scapegoat for the big boss men decided to announce that English panel is the most problematic panel (despite the fact that our pointers were the best and our club is the most productive)

one teacher decided to say that I mess everything up

i will never forgive her

this was two weeks ago

and now here i am, back in this hole

i took another leave today, hence my time to blog

i write her to vent, i know i can rise above all these, i've faced worst

now i know that in school, i am surrounded by foul mouthed backstabbers..

one day I am going to stab everyone - from the front.

Give Up

sometimes, you cannot do anything else, but to;





GIVE UP





Believe me I have tried, people keep on having misconception about me. I have tried my best, my best. But they keep on complaining. Maybe my best is not best enough... so I changed my statement - I have done what i can---

and I cannot take it anymore...

that's all

I quit

Moving on with my Resolution

So in light with my resolution for 2013, which I still followed now in February, I finished book #2 in my booklist. And the book is;

Life of Pi, Yann Martell

So since the book won the Man Booker Prize, and it was made into a movie, i decided to put it into my reading list and actually read it. The movie was awesome, that CGId Tiger was a very good actor.

The first few chapters of the book was almost as though I was reading a non-fiction, too documentary-ish for me, and i started slow... now once when the ship had sunk, that is when the story started to get interesting.

After reading almost more than half of the book about religion this, religion that, Jesus here, Brahma there and zoology here, pondicherry there, chinese sailor here bla bla bla... then came the part where the ship sunk. And Martell's words came to life... It was adventure in every page... 

almost every sentences had funny wit in it that I was left smiling to myself, one unforgettable one was when Pi started killing animals for food. He caught a flying fish, and crushed its skull, and I can almost hear the bone cracking, that was how real his writing was.

I am not one to trust Man Booker Prize winners, since I spent month trying to read Hilary Mantel's Wolf Hall to no avail... but this one is fun, a complete literature, could be a good book to do a research on comparative religion, atheism and such... for literature of course... so now I'm on to my third book;

Philippa Gregory's The Red Queen

Since I have this obsession on English History, so this life story of Margeret Beaufort could be good for me... however, only after 6 pages i have come to hate the annoying 9 year old Beaufort, she must be more annoying when she grows up...

Oh bother... hope that this will turn out well...

Form 5 needs childish lesson sometimes

So, my form 5 classes had been really difficult since the beginning of the year,

I dont know if it is the new found hormones or sudden realization of the SPM year, but they had been really cranky, disinterested, and not at all like any of the students I knew back when they were still in form 4.

So every time I tried to teach something I was always greeted with empty responses which often made me feel exasperated and disinterested to teach them...

I even applied for MC to avoid going into their class...

until finally I got an idea, since using form 5 appropriate activities for them had been a complete and utter mess, why don't I use the lesson for my form 2 classes on them?

And anyway, my form 5 students are in a dire need of lessons of English Proverbs since one girl had proudly announced that 'Killing Two Birds with one Stones' means 'Breaking a chicken's neck at the back of a KFC Franchise to cook for the customers' - True Story

So, I asked them to

1. Choose a proverb from my hand
2. Get a piece of colorful paper
3. Draw what they think is the meaning of the proverb
4. Present them in front of the class
5. Do a simple exercise on proverbs
6. Use the proverbs they learnt in the essay they are writing about themselves

believe it or not,

it worked!

Najwa and Syifaa deciphering the proverbs on a pink paper

Najwa presenting

Syam's presentation with full, head on sarcasm

The results

Hanafi and Faizwan's work

Amanina and Salbila's work

Idlan and Zainul's work

Muhammad and Hana's work

One thing I got to know today is that, even though these are form 5 Science School students, they are actually no different with 17 year olds from any other schools, they need silly, kiddish activity sometimes...

at least they are using the proverbs in their essays now,

and this is a pair work, and what i love about it is that, the partner who has less proficiency in English presented - which was good, everybody was involved, and that was my objective in the first place...

I know it is not a ground breaking, innovative lesson plan... but... yay me! and yay them!

Battling Self Doubts - Lesson on Self Bullying

Okay, so I had a wonderful lesson today.

I started with the song 'Perfect' by Pink (of course, the clean version), and asked the students to relate to the song. After strenuous task of trying to make the students responsive - because they behaved like zombies, I managed to get some response from the students about the topic.

The topic was self doubt, and how that ugly voice inside your head managed to stop you from doing more for yourself, and how you should live for yourself and not for the pleasure of critics around you...

Pretty deep huh? For a bunch of unresponsive form 2 students, I think the lesson went quite well. I listed a few words from the songs itself that shows self-doubt and judgements of others like

1. mistreated
2. misplaced
3. Misunderstood
4. Mean
5. Critics

and I asked the students what do they want to strive for,

and they answered

'To be perfect for themselves...'

and they didnt simply answer that, I had to struggle to rake it out from them, because they are such zombies.

finally I asked them to arrange the words on the whiteboard like so;

So, as a symbol, they would stand in front of the words that downgrades them to show that they can battle all of those self doubts and ugly voices in their heads so that they can be perfect for themselves, and not the critics out there...

and they were very excited... et voila!

Izzah, Ira and Hanisah. Battled Self Doubts

Fa'id, Amrul and Shahrul. Battled Self Doubts

Anis and Nisrina. Battled Self Doubts

Irfan, Amin and Hazim. Battled Self Doubts

Hafiz, Faiz and Aiman. Battled Self Doubts

Fairul and Hilmi. Battled Self Doubts

Azzam. Battled Self Doubts

Adib. Battled Self Doubts

Izani, Suahadah and Amira. Battled Self Doubts

Ira. Battled Self Doubts

Azizi. Battled Self Doubts

Kamarul. Battled Self Doubts

Khairul. Battled Self Doubts

Aina and Alyaa. Battled Self Doubts

Khadijah, Arina and Nasuha. Battled Self Doubts

Irdina. Battled Self Doubts

Those who were brave enough to take the pictures alone would receive applause. All in all, it was a good lesson, the students got what it meant - i think... whatever it is, they need to write a reflection about the activity. So we'll see if it is effective or just a waste of time...

It was fun.

:)

Wednesday in School: Where is my Life?

I went into this year will a lot of positivity.

Well, recently I was active on twitter, so I have been updating every single excursion I made in the 2012 yea end hols. During the hols, like every end of the year, i reflected on every single thing that i do that year and think of what I want to do differently.

There were several hundreds things ~

Oh well, I remember three things about last year;

• My Colleagues are all hard ass judgmentals - So, in 2013, I'm going to NOT give them reasons to complain about me
• I have been behind on work, Lesson Plans, organising files etc - So, I created a note of to do list, when to do it, stacks of files for every posts that I hold, very organized, Monica Geller or Jane Kerkovitch will be jealous of me..
• I was too engrossed with work that I didn't have time for my personal life - I am going to make time for all the books, movies, TV series, family members, friends that I am going to read,watch, hang out with

And then last week i got back to school. I have been organised, not procrastinating, keeping tabs of every single things, wrote everything diligently in my planner. Went in and out of class with bombastic lesson plans.

and then came yesterday. Crazy day. I'm going to explain it chronologically

• Prologue - My sister and I decided to catch a movie Tuesday night, I know I had a lot of things to finish - ULBS Files from last year needed to be updated. My lesson for the last 4 periods on Wednesday hasn't been properly planned, the idea was there, except i haven't created the aids yet. A set of essays hasn't been marked. Working paper for 2013 Theater Competition hasn't been done yet. - However, since I have been staying in the office on Sunday and Monday nights, I was determined not to be there on Tuesday night too, so I delayed all the work to Wednesday Morning, from period 1 to 6. I only have 4 last periods on wednesday. And then WEDNESDAY CAME...
• 6.50 - I was in the office, starting to update my ULBS files, a student came to see me because she and her partner in a school project overseen by me got into a huge fight. Now the partner threatened to not do the project. So i had to give both of them advice or the project will go down the drain
• 7.30 - Sent the students back to their class, continue writing my ULBS files. Got a call from my Panel Head, I have to go to the hall to invigilate the form 1 diagnostic test for the first 2 periods.
• 8.30 - asked the school's counsellor to replace me and went to the office to start creating the aids for my last 4 periods classes.
• 8.35 - the Ketua Bidang came and gave me a relief class for period 3 and 4 while at the same time telling me that I am permanently replacing the teacher for that class, thus making my teaching periods to 30 periods per week.
• 8.40 - started to create teaching aids and lesson plans for relief class period 3 and 4
• 8.50 - went into relief class
• 10.10 - rushed to the office, continue to create aids for my last four periods classes
• 10.30 - A parent called asking me to send her son back home because his father is now in the hospital for a heart attack. Went to see the Principal asking him whether the boy can be sent home. Found the boy and told him the bad news, sat with him while he cried, sent him back to the hostel to take his things, went back to the office and looked for the school driver, calls his mother asked her which hospital, told the driver, waited with the boy until the driver came and saw him off
• 12.00 - I was already ten minutes late for the first of my class, hastily finishing up my aid. went to the class
• 12.10 - started the class, students were rude, kept on playing a monkey sound from a toy they had while I was teaching. Confiscated the toy, decided to stay quiet and boycotted my lesson for the rest of the class. Asked about homework which they should have handed in the day before, simply said that they've forgotten. Was dejected when i went out from the class.
• 1.05 - Sadly left the class, went back to the office, sending a boy to my other class, my last two periods, telling them that i would be late and asking them to discuss about topics for oral test which will be done on friday.
• 1.10 - arrived to the office, started creating the aids for the class
• 1.20 - was already late for the class, rushed to the class and asked them what they've discuss. They said no one came to send the message. Making a mental note to kill the messenger, i started my class, picking up where i left off yesterday by asking them to present their homework. There were 29 in that class, the homework was only to create 3 easy sentences. This was a science school, they were form 5 - only 9 finished their homework.
• 1.30 - I felt the anger, but decided to quenched it by reminding myself that I have a new year resolution to be positive like a saint, so I asked them to finish the homework during preptime that afternoon and use the rest of the time in the class to finish discussing about the oral test, which is the forum.
• 1.35 - they asked me 'What Forum?' with confused faces. I swallowed my anger by smilingly reminding them that I had already given them the task a week before. A few remembers and gladly reminded their friends.
• 2.00 - a girl quipped and asked 'Teacher, what is a forum?'. I asked the whole class to raise their hands if they don't know what is a forum. Everyone of them raised their hands.
• 2.05 - Went to the board, explain every little bit of what forum is all about.
• 2.10 - went around the class, assisting those ungrateful ingrates in their tasks. 
• 2.25 - Was sitting on a chair with a student assisting them on the freakin' ad hoc task. 50% of the students stood up, with their bags talking about food in the Dewan Makan.

And that is where I yelled, but only a few words;

WHO ASKED YOU TO STAND UP? BEB! COME ON LA! GUA DAH TRY SABAR KOT!!!

okay, maybe I shouldn't said the word 'Gua' and 'Beb' and 'Kot' - I know it was wrong.

• 2.30 - asked the students to leave
• 2.35 - arrived at the office, went for my prayers, managed to gulp half a bottle of water.
• 3.00 - warden meeting begins
• 3.15 - the principal came, ONLY NOW the meeting began. And it went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
• 6.20 - the meeting was over.
• 6.30 - applied for a Cuti Rehat Khas
• 6.45 - Cuti approved. Went back home, finished my prayers. 
• 7.50 - famished, ate 2 burgers and a nasi goreng
• 8.30 - fell asleep.

I had a confusing day. I didnt procrastinate but I am still behind work... I dont understand how my day became that way. On tuesday had to attend another meeting which finished at 6. Today there was suppose to be another meeting, that's why I took my leave.

I just dont understand my job. A friend on twitter told me that Do Not Complain since i was Jobless for a year in 2011 and I should be thankful...

I am thankful. But what should I do if everyday of my days are like this?

Where is my life?

2013 Resolution #1: The Impossible Booklist

Well then, i FINALLY managed to finish 'The Storm of Swords' after grueling weeks of readings and having disappointments after disappointments being presented to me in all 1128 pages of the book.

Which brings me to one of my 2013 resolutions, which is the impossible booklist. Well apart from other nearly impossible resolutions this year (going swimming at least once a week, keep updating my blog, re-learn my french bla bla bla), i have this idea to finish a number of books this year. I don't know whether i can do it... i didnt manage to maintain ANY resolutions in 2012, and my reading list had hit its all time low with only 3 books read in 2012, so i had this crazy notion to write a booklist and make sure i finish all of the books I've listed this year. Let's see all the books;

(in a list with random order)

1. A Storm of Swords (George R.R. Martin)

I have been complaining too much while reading this book, but I managed to finish it. I got the craze for the series BECAUSE of the TV show. Well, from what I have been complaining about the book, the series have a lot to do to make me still watch the show. Don't get me wrong, R.R. Martin is a good writer, only this time in this book, his plot is a little bit wonky with too much unnecessary details and disappointments.

2. A Feast for Crows and 3. A Dance with Dragons

Oh well, maybe i will complain about these ones too, I know that R.R. Martin is crazy and was mistreated as a a child somehow to create all this good guys in his books and have them butchered and mutilated and killed, but somewhere in i have this silly, childish hopes that the good guys (who still survives the butchery) might proved to be victorious in the end.

4. Life of Pi (Yann Martell)

Well, I think it was years ago when a friend asked me to buy this book for him, and i never did. Now I watched the movie and i could hit myself that i have never read the book. So this is it. I am reading this now...

5. Beatrice and Virgil (Yann Martell)

Oh well, for somebody who wrote something which had inspired a movie as good as 'Life of Pi' must be really good, right? I read the reviews for this book, most reviewers gave 'Beatrice and Virgil' 2 stars... but i thought this is Yann Martell talking about Holocaust through taxidermy monkey and and donkey. This is from a guy who created a tiger and named it Richard Parker... cant be that bad right? Well looking forward to read this one, to hell with reviewers, they gave Storm of Swords five stars anyway... so they could be wrong on this one too...

6. The Case of the Man who Died Laughing (Tarquin Hall)

I dont know who is Tarquin Hall until I took this book up at the Big Bad Wolf Sale. Well, i read the back and it says that the man died laughing after being stabbed by the hindu goddess Kali. Well, how absurd is that? and i like absurd. So, cant wait to start on this, will take this after i finish 'Life of Pi'.

7. Cloud Atlas (David Mitchell)

Well, I'm not actually a big fan of sic-fi. But i LOVED Chricton's Jurassic Park and The Lost World. I do believe that books being adapted to movies have huge merits, and even huger when the movies have A-list actors stars in it, this one has Tom Hanks, the starriest of the stars. So, definitely goes into my list.

8. A Wizard of Earthsea and 9. The Dispossessed (Ursula K. Le Guin)

Let me confess; I watched that movie - The Jane Austen Book Club (Because I love Emily Blunt and Maggie Grace) and that Hugh Dancy character kept on harping about the Le Guin books. So I saw these two in the Big Bad Wolf sale and said 'Why not?'

10. The Dog Who Came in from the Cold and 11. A Conspiracy of Friends (Alexander McCall Smith)

Well, you can understand why I love McCall Smith, it is because of that dry, British wit. I bought one of these books last year, never had the time to read it, so here's hoping to finish the trilogy in 2013.

12. Talking About Jane Austen in Baghdad (May Witwit & Bee Rowlatt)

 Well, i do love to read about the Iraqi war from an educated Iraqi perspective. This doesnt really count as a book, more to a collection of emails sent and read by these two individuals. Well, here's hoping that their conversation is more interesting than Kim Kardashian's growing spawn in her belly.

13. The Casual Vacancy (J.K. Rowling)

four words; IT'S JOANNE KATHLEEN ROWLING!

14. Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter (A.E. Moorat)

I am an English Monarchy nut, do I like the parody made from it? no... Do i like something absurd? Yes. I want to read this book might be because of the fact that i had to wrestle it out from the grasping talons of another book nut at a small book sale in KL Sentral last April. Why did she wanted the book? I cannot say, why I wanted it? I cannot say... better I open it up and read and find out.

15. Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters (Ben H. Winters)

Like number 14, I dont like parodied version of something I love, but I dont know, just like number 14, this book calls to me to have them read. So et voila, there it is on my shelf and on my list.

16. The Red Queen (Philippa Gregory)

 I love almost all of Gregory's book; The Other Boleyn Girl was simply amazing, amazing that I couldnt put it down. (The movie was garbage however).  The Boleyn Inheritance and The Constant Princess was equally amazing. You may see how much I love it. I read the first installment of the series, The White Queen, 3 years ago and now they are making a TV Show out of it. Before they make a TV show out of this one, better i read it first.

17. The Captive Queen (Alison Weir)

Well, this book had received too many negative reviews. I read two of Weir's books before, the first one was Innocent Traitor, the story about Lady Jane Grey, it was dead boring. And then I read The Lady Elizabeth, the account of Queen Elizabeth's life before she became queen, and it was good. Well, i hope this one could be somewhat like the latter, but i doubt it. But since I have the love of Historical Fiction, i think i can survive this.

Well, there you have it. My 2013 Resolution number 1, the Impossible book list, hope that my job won't be in a way this time. Wish me luck!

Why am I Grumbling While Reading the Storm of Swords?

Okay I am going to start by addressing the fact that i have not been updating this blog for like more than a year, and suddenly I have the whim to write something. 

The culprit for the reason of my not-writing-the-blog syndrome is because of my job which eats up every bit of my time. 

I know all of you readers (all 1 of you) will be like 'Heh, this is going to be just one update and then he will do the long hiatus and be gone from the scene again'

Well, folks, I am not gonna lie to you, i really dont know if i can keep this up... but here's hoping i can...

.................

Well, enough about that. Now to my point, which is George R.R Martin.

For those who do not want any spoilers on the third book of the series 'Song of Ice and Fire' - The Storm of Swords or the third season of the HBO series 'Game of Thrones' please do not read on.

................

Okay, I started the series with the first book - The Game of Thrones, and let me tell you, it was thrilling. I was in a course for Form 2 PBS in november in some school, and the lady who was giving the speech was going at a diabolically slow pace, I fished out the book from my bag which i had left in trunk unnoticed since May 2012.

Well let me tell you, it was thrilling, waaaaaaay better than the series (as like all adaptations, i learnt that when I read Harry Potter AFTER I watched the first two movies). I managed to read more than 300 pages in just one hour while the woman ranted on about evidence, and filing, and instruments bla bla bla...

Well, the second book kind of mellowed a little but still thrilling enough for me to finish all 70 chapters in a week. And then i came to the third book, and i was like 'Enough!'

There's gore all over the pages, and unnecessary details! and the gores were not at a balance with any form of positivity at all.

You know, for example in Harry Potter - Dumbledore died, and that was like a stupid event ever in the saga, hell, i was ready to leave the series altogether. But then Harry still got his friends and they stuck with him till the end. You know when Dumbledore died that HArry will find some solace with Hermione and Ron somehow, so that would made you feel warm and hopeful that HArry will be ok.

However, with the Storm of Swords, ALL I GOT WAS EMPTINESS!!

I mean come on, it is like the writer enjoyed writing all this cool characters who I really like and root for and then kill them off for no obvious purpose to the plotline. I mean, why the hell would i want to read about all these efforts made by a guy and have him ultimately killed off?

And then there were these unnecessary details - like in this one chapter Arya was captured by the Brave companions, and then she tried to escape, shooting into forest and through rivers, and then I had to read pages of how her horse slowed down because there were knots of vines on the jungle floor and I really thought that she would have escaped but ultimately she was captured again... Why several pages of nonsense?

And then there was these foreshadows from previous books -

At the end of book one, I read all these dramatic scenes on how Daenerys let herself burn with Khal Drogo and those dragon eggs, and then she was magically unscathed by the pyre, and then the dragons hatched and lived again. And then I thought that here is another heroine who will made an impact in the second book, but all that she was in the second and thrid book was a big 'meh'

At the end of book one, I read about how Sansa had to watch her father being decapitated and there was this scene where she had the urge to push Jofrey off the bridge, but that didnt happen so I thought she will have her say in the next book, she will get Joffrey of Cersei or Tywin somehow but all through the second and third (until as far as i got), she was only a small victim.

At the end of book two, I read about how Tyrion had managed to win the Blackwater battle by wit and bravery only to have him mutilated and disgraced in the third book.

At the end of book two, when they say that Margery was going to marry Joffrey instead of Sansa, i thought that 'Yes, she will make an ultimate bitch-off with Cersei' but nothing happen so far, her existence in the book so far was only to make way for Tyrion marrying Sansa

I mean all the character which i hoped to find some solace in them all died in the most unfortunate way - Ser Rodrik was one, Maester Luwin was another, and the one which i cannot accept the most is Catelyn Stark, believing her two sons and one daughter had tragically died, another daughter married of to what she presumed to be a monster and have another son - who was only her source of comfort - to be murdered in front of her eyes, I thought she would find some consolation with meeting her daughter who she thought to be dead and who, by the way, was just outside the castle when Catelyn saw her son being murdered. But NOOOOOOOO, the writer thought that readers would enjoy it more to have Catelyn murdered too, having her throat slit from ear to ear.

And the bad guys, or the seemingly bad guys who has developed good qualities like Tyrion or Jaime didnt give me any other surprises by doing something really unprofitable to the really bad guys, but noooooo, they just lay there quiet, i dunno when are they going to act.

God, I read as far as Robb and Catelyn's death. I couldnt go on anymore, but i dont want to leave any book unfinished. So what i did was to go into the Ice and Fire wiki on the internet to read the upcoming chapter summaries.. and nothing good is seen in the horizon, nothing that could make me feel the emptiness that i get thus far. Sure, Joffrey is going to be poisoned, but i want him to be disgraced too, i want sansa to have something to do with it, but having him dead is not that bad either. and Tywin will die, but i dont know why that didnt bring me any desire to go on.

because those are all small victories compared to what the characters we are rooting for had to endure. I hope George R.R. Martin is planning to have Arya, Sansa, Bran, Rickon and Jon to reunite in the last book and put one of them on the iron throne. And if he kill Daenerys at any point, i will just burn all these books that i bought on the series.

I have to go on reading, because i spent like 150 ringgit on the 5 books box-set.

bummer...

Of being jobless

I really, really didnt want to do this at first...

But somehow, i think that writing it all down will help me to feel better.

Nearly 200 Malaysians that i know of for the time being r sharing a similar fate.

Around January last year, each and everyone of us were very excited, we thought that in 5 months time, we FINALLY could stop from being a student. And then a month after that we would be working, happily complaining about boastful shitless kids who drive our days nuts. And then by October we would become Graduates - with a Job, happily reenacting how we changed a kid's life, and how sucky our pengetua is.

And by december, we would all be lounging in Pulau Redang/Langkawi/Semporna/Phuket/Singapore/Sydney/Auckland/Agra/Macau/Paris/London/New York sipping coffee with our hard-earned money complaining about our workloads and how a crazy colleague keep on dumping his/her work on us because we are young, vibrant new teachers in school. And also maybe talk about marriages, babies and stuff.

In January last year, i personally made a list of things that I personally wanted for myself when i got my pay;

1) A new laptop

2) A broadband/streamyx/unifi/w1max

3) an Ipad

4) Ticket flight to London

5) books and books and books

6) Food and food and food

-you know, disturbingly hedonistic stuff...

around July, when i was suppose to get my job, we started to worry, maybe i will get my Ipad a little bit later than expected.

Around August, we had suddenly been promoted into useless sons/daughters who are 24 year olds but could provide to the family... suddenly getting an ipad became a small problem, we started to worry about bigger stuff like helping parents to do more than just helping them clean the lawn, wash the dishes, do the laundry.

we worry about paying bills, and our age, which is not suitable to be a penganggur.

Some got married because it was already planned, but with worrying hearts since they worry they cannot provide.

In desperation, some of works in a McD or other junkfood franchises. Lucky few got a job as a sub teacher...

some outstanding ones got a call from multi-national company offering them a job that pays a lot - only to reject it since we were bonded.

we were trying our hardest not to burden our parents.... most of us had parents who were over 60... we cannot afford to let them feed us... but come september, still no work...

Plethora of promises, false hopes were given by local ministers... all were none but disappointments...

Still, we put up brave faces in October while our graduation, pushed the sad face to the back of our numbing minds and tried to smile and laugh because heck- we graduated.

and then we became void souls again, waiting for jobs - or anything to happen.

nothing came... some of us came running when they heard the postman's riding pasts.

We jumped up like explosives in Hiroshima when our phone rings.

Nothing but phone company messages and astro bills in our inboxes.

and then a few of us made meetings with the big people up there in the plush cushions in parcel E.

still. nothing.

and then they asked us to be interviewed. Finally we smiled in november, at least something for us to do.

came interview and gone. we became void again, like lost souls.

facebook became our only source of solace, only for some families who has internet.

we became bored, woke up to stare at walls only to have walls stared back at us as we fell asleep again.

wanted to meet our friends, cant drive - no money for petrol. Cant fly, use buses or trains - no money.

we made brave face as our aunts showed off her son who had now worked so happily and earning money as we feel useless and became a terrible burden to our parents.

still, we wait. A little hint was enough to make us cry with excitement, only to get fucked up again.

and then came December... we finished the year without having a job that we waited since July. we watched our facebook walls as our seniors complain about their heavy workload in the next year.

all we could think of was we wanted those workloads - we need the job. our life had became stock still, yet we aged.

we cannot move on.

and then 2012 came.

some of us moved into being 25... feeling so very ashamed that we still need to ask our parents for money to buy razor to shave our janggut/armpit hair.

feeling very ashamed that we had grew sideways.

feeling pointless since we dont have a job.

Feeling resentment as our seniors asked us to be patient and bersyukur since working world is not fun. being jobless is.

i bet all the pay made it feel better huh?

first week of 2012 is about to end, and good news is half of the 200 will get their job next monday. but the rest will have to wait until MArch. and i am one of those who had to wait again.

We feel like a person in a shipwreck, floating on the seas on a scrap of wood beating ourselves up on our stupid decision to board the ship (TESL program). And even the sea is not interesting sea with killer waves (angry students) or killer whales (workload) or sharks (senior teachers) or giant sea serpents (meetings). We are floating on still sea, completely still, with some small ripples (WKS tweets, SPP interviews, fights in FB pages) with nothing but horizons (no future) around us. We cannot see lands (solid hope) or rescue ships (Backup jobs that could free us from bonds). completely nothing. So we float, under the scorching sun (Shame of being jobless). Completely alone.

Maybe Allah is asking me to be patient. Maybe Allah is asking me to be thankful of my future job since we resent it so much when we were doing our practical.

Maybe Allah is asking my seniors to be thankful of their situation.

Maybe Allah is asking my juniors to be ready.

Maybe Allah is teaching me to deal with disappointments correctly.

Maybe I am needed more where i am right now.

Maybe.

The Most Memorable Books That I Have Ever Read

In respect with the title... I used only my memories to list down this books... I didnt take a small trip to my small library downstairs to remind me of books... all right, here we go... I break it into a few categories according my likings.

a) Something British and Witty

Corduroy Mansions - Alexander McCall Smith

Maybe it is unfair that this book is in my list since I only just recently went through it. But something about McCall's descriptions of the everyday lives of Londoners hooked me... The plot line of the story is almost nothing to me... but McCall wrote it like everything was suppose to obvious... it is indifferently witty... can i say that? Is that an oxymoron?

Simple as this - I wish I have McCall's talent in writing...

Also in this category;
1. Lady Caro by Marlene Susson

b) Something thrilling, otherworldly and could remind me of my childhood.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - J.K. Rowling

Why only this one? Of all the seven books... why only this one? Not that I think that other 6 books are not memorable, but it seems that I only took this one to read over and over and ovr again. To me, Rowling managed to twist the plot line, put subtle clues between lines... sometimes so obvious which would make u slap urself once u found the revelation....

I think the second book had the most complicated twists and turns of plots and mysteries, and the easy reason of why it is in this lsit is because - while im writing this, i feel like i want to pick it up and read it again.

Also in this category;
1. The rest of Rowling's books
2. All Famous Five series by Enid Blyton

c) Something thrilling, mysterious and serious

Angels and Demons - Dan Brown

It is gripping, I am not going to lie, but it is. I still remembered when Brown described that the last of the preferiti (cardinal who were kidnapped, he was the last to be saved but... read it yourselves!) died, i remembered that i was sad and I actually put my fist through a table... (yeah, maybe this is because of my overly dramatic reaction) It is unputdownable. It is so unputdownable that it inspired me to create a Malaysian version of Robert Langdon called Ipin. But Ipin never survived the first three chapter, since i stopped writing it because i cant think of any speculation as good as Brown's.

Also in this category;
1. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
2. The Pelican Brief by John Grisham

d) Something historical, dramatic and full of suspense

The Other Boleyn Girl - Philippa Gregory

Okay, I admit, sometimes I would love just a simpel 'drama swasta' kinda book, and this books serves that and more. Gregory, funnily, put suspense in every line of the book. One more pulling factor was that I am just in love with history and this books kind of helped me with learning history - more or less- since we have to understand that historical fiction IS first and foremost a fiction. However, you will learn one or two things about Tudor England, and for those of you who has not realise of this great character from the world's history called Anne Boleyn, i suggest you read this book and gape at her formidable character.

Also in this category;
1. The Boleyn Inheritance by Philippa Gregory
2. The Constant Princess by Philippa Gregory
3. The Lady Elizabeth by Alison Weir

e) Something indifferent, sci-fi-ish and thrilling.

Jurassic Park - Michael Crichton

I am so sad that Crichton is dead, it is just that nobody else could put a dinoasaur in a book and didnt make it corny and unreal. You will feel that is as real as your cicak crawling around you. The best part about the book was the presenattion of the 'Titanic' theme. You know, the titanic theme... No?

Okay, you remember the movie Titanic? no? You dont remember anything but Kate Winslet's left boob? Okay let me jog your memory, you remember how the famous quote in the movie by Winslet's snooty fiance 'Even God cant sink this ship.' You remember that? Okay, and you do remeber sometime after Winslet showed her boob the whole ship sunk killing thousands tragically while brave (poyo) violinists played to their death? That is the Titanic theme, where no technologies can match the will of God....

In the secular world nowadays, it is fun to read something so powerful, so imaginative being humble to Power of God.

Also in this category;
1. The Lost World by Michael Crichton

f) Something Classic and Ironically Refreshing

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

I dont care what others want to say, I will still obstinately say that Wuthering Heights is the BEST book in the whole wide world.

But why would i put P&P with it? Since i cant think of which one is better, okay, I know I said WH is the best but P&P is a close second.

P&P is funny, romantic, witty and fantastcally relevant even when the book was published almost 270 years ago. The dialogue between the characters are to die for. I wish i have even an inkling of Auten's writing talent.

On the other hand, Wuthering Heights is dark, twisted, scary, and thrilling in the same time. The creation of Heathcliff will haunt EVERYONE who reads it.

Both have the descriptive language that could make you picture the scene as it is almost as if you are watching a movie.

also in the category;
1. The rest of Austen's books
2. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Well, there you go, those are the books that I can only remember now... I would put in more as it came into my mind. Anyone who wants to read good books, pick one from this list, YOU WONT BE SORRY.