SangPenglipurLara

Of being jobless

2012-01-07T07:04:00.000-08:00

I really, really didnt want to do this at first...

But somehow, i think that writing it all down will help me to feel better.

Nearly 200 Malaysians that i know of for the time being r sharing a similar fate.

Around January last year, each and everyone of us were very excited, we thought that in 5 months time, we FINALLY could stop from being a student. And then a month after that we would be working, happily complaining about boastful shitless kids who drive our days nuts. And then by October we would become Graduates - with a Job, happily reenacting how we changed a kid's life, and how sucky our pengetua is.

And by december, we would all be lounging in Pulau Redang/Langkawi/Semporna/Phuket/Singapore/Sydney/Auckland/Agra/Macau/Paris/London/New York sipping coffee with our hard-earned money complaining about our workloads and how a crazy colleague keep on dumping his/her work on us because we are young, vibrant new teachers in school. And also maybe talk about marriages, babies and stuff.

In January last year, i personally made a list of things that I personally wanted for myself when i got my pay;

1) A new laptop

2) A broadband/streamyx/unifi/w1max

3) an Ipad

4) Ticket flight to London

5) books and books and books

6) Food and food and food

-you know, disturbingly hedonistic stuff...

around July, when i was suppose to get my job, we started to worry, maybe i will get my Ipad a little bit later than expected.

Around August, we had suddenly been promoted into useless sons/daughters who are 24 year olds but could provide to the family... suddenly getting an ipad became a small problem, we started to worry about bigger stuff like helping parents to do more than just helping them clean the lawn, wash the dishes, do the laundry.

we worry about paying bills, and our age, which is not suitable to be a penganggur.

Some got married because it was already planned, but with worrying hearts since they worry they cannot provide.

In desperation, some of works in a McD or other junkfood franchises. Lucky few got a job as a sub teacher...

some outstanding ones got a call from multi-national company offering them a job that pays a lot - only to reject it since we were bonded.

we were trying our hardest not to burden our parents.... most of us had parents who were over 60... we cannot afford to let them feed us... but come september, still no work...

Plethora of promises, false hopes were given by local ministers... all were none but disappointments...

Still, we put up brave faces in October while our graduation, pushed the sad face to the back of our numbing minds and tried to smile and laugh because heck- we graduated.

and then we became void souls again, waiting for jobs - or anything to happen.

nothing came... some of us came running when they heard the postman's riding pasts.

We jumped up like explosives in Hiroshima when our phone rings.

Nothing but phone company messages and astro bills in our inboxes.

and then a few of us made meetings with the big people up there in the plush cushions in parcel E.

still. nothing.

and then they asked us to be interviewed. Finally we smiled in november, at least something for us to do.

came interview and gone. we became void again, like lost souls.

facebook became our only source of solace, only for some families who has internet.

we became bored, woke up to stare at walls only to have walls stared back at us as we fell asleep again.

wanted to meet our friends, cant drive - no money for petrol. Cant fly, use buses or trains - no money.

we made brave face as our aunts showed off her son who had now worked so happily and earning money as we feel useless and became a terrible burden to our parents.

still, we wait. A little hint was enough to make us cry with excitement, only to get fucked up again.

and then came December... we finished the year without having a job that we waited since July. we watched our facebook walls as our seniors complain about their heavy workload in the next year.

all we could think of was we wanted those workloads - we need the job. our life had became stock still, yet we aged.

we cannot move on.

and then 2012 came.

some of us moved into being 25... feeling so very ashamed that we still need to ask our parents for money to buy razor to shave our janggut/armpit hair.

feeling very ashamed that we had grew sideways.

feeling pointless since we dont have a job.

Feeling resentment as our seniors asked us to be patient and bersyukur since working world is not fun. being jobless is.

i bet all the pay made it feel better huh?

first week of 2012 is about to end, and good news is half of the 200 will get their job next monday. but the rest will have to wait until MArch. and i am one of those who had to wait again.

We feel like a person in a shipwreck, floating on the seas on a scrap of wood beating ourselves up on our stupid decision to board the ship (TESL program). And even the sea is not interesting sea with killer waves (angry students) or killer whales (workload) or sharks (senior teachers) or giant sea serpents (meetings). We are floating on still sea, completely still, with some small ripples (WKS tweets, SPP interviews, fights in FB pages) with nothing but horizons (no future) around us. We cannot see lands (solid hope) or rescue ships (Backup jobs that could free us from bonds). completely nothing. So we float, under the scorching sun (Shame of being jobless). Completely alone.

Maybe Allah is asking me to be patient. Maybe Allah is asking me to be thankful of my future job since we resent it so much when we were doing our practical.

Maybe Allah is asking my seniors to be thankful of their situation.

Maybe Allah is asking my juniors to be ready.

Maybe Allah is teaching me to deal with disappointments correctly.

Maybe I am needed more where i am right now.

Maybe.

The Most Memorable Books That I Have Ever Read

2011-12-03T04:23:00.000-08:00

In respect with the title... I used only my memories to list down this books... I didnt take a small trip to my small library downstairs to remind me of books... all right, here we go... I break it into a few categories according my likings.

a) Something British and Witty

Corduroy Mansions - Alexander McCall Smith

Maybe it is unfair that this book is in my list since I only just recently went through it. But something about McCall's descriptions of the everyday lives of Londoners hooked me... The plot line of the story is almost nothing to me... but McCall wrote it like everything was suppose to obvious... it is indifferently witty... can i say that? Is that an oxymoron?

Simple as this - I wish I have McCall's talent in writing...

Also in this category;
1. Lady Caro by Marlene Susson

b) Something thrilling, otherworldly and could remind me of my childhood.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - J.K. Rowling

Why only this one? Of all the seven books... why only this one? Not that I think that other 6 books are not memorable, but it seems that I only took this one to read over and over and ovr again. To me, Rowling managed to twist the plot line, put subtle clues between lines... sometimes so obvious which would make u slap urself once u found the revelation....

I think the second book had the most complicated twists and turns of plots and mysteries, and the easy reason of why it is in this lsit is because - while im writing this, i feel like i want to pick it up and read it again.

Also in this category;
1. The rest of Rowling's books
2. All Famous Five series by Enid Blyton

c) Something thrilling, mysterious and serious

Angels and Demons - Dan Brown

It is gripping, I am not going to lie, but it is. I still remembered when Brown described that the last of the preferiti (cardinal who were kidnapped, he was the last to be saved but... read it yourselves!) died, i remembered that i was sad and I actually put my fist through a table... (yeah, maybe this is because of my overly dramatic reaction) It is unputdownable. It is so unputdownable that it inspired me to create a Malaysian version of Robert Langdon called Ipin. But Ipin never survived the first three chapter, since i stopped writing it because i cant think of any speculation as good as Brown's.

Also in this category;
1. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
2. The Pelican Brief by John Grisham

d) Something historical, dramatic and full of suspense

The Other Boleyn Girl - Philippa Gregory

Okay, I admit, sometimes I would love just a simpel 'drama swasta' kinda book, and this books serves that and more. Gregory, funnily, put suspense in every line of the book. One more pulling factor was that I am just in love with history and this books kind of helped me with learning history - more or less- since we have to understand that historical fiction IS first and foremost a fiction. However, you will learn one or two things about Tudor England, and for those of you who has not realise of this great character from the world's history called Anne Boleyn, i suggest you read this book and gape at her formidable character.

Also in this category;
1. The Boleyn Inheritance by Philippa Gregory
2. The Constant Princess by Philippa Gregory
3. The Lady Elizabeth by Alison Weir

e) Something indifferent, sci-fi-ish and thrilling.

Jurassic Park - Michael Crichton

I am so sad that Crichton is dead, it is just that nobody else could put a dinoasaur in a book and didnt make it corny and unreal. You will feel that is as real as your cicak crawling around you. The best part about the book was the presenattion of the 'Titanic' theme. You know, the titanic theme... No?

Okay, you remember the movie Titanic? no? You dont remember anything but Kate Winslet's left boob? Okay let me jog your memory, you remember how the famous quote in the movie by Winslet's snooty fiance 'Even God cant sink this ship.' You remember that? Okay, and you do remeber sometime after Winslet showed her boob the whole ship sunk killing thousands tragically while brave (poyo) violinists played to their death? That is the Titanic theme, where no technologies can match the will of God....

In the secular world nowadays, it is fun to read something so powerful, so imaginative being humble to Power of God.

Also in this category;
1. The Lost World by Michael Crichton

f) Something Classic and Ironically Refreshing

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

I dont care what others want to say, I will still obstinately say that Wuthering Heights is the BEST book in the whole wide world.

But why would i put P&P with it? Since i cant think of which one is better, okay, I know I said WH is the best but P&P is a close second.

P&P is funny, romantic, witty and fantastcally relevant even when the book was published almost 270 years ago. The dialogue between the characters are to die for. I wish i have even an inkling of Auten's writing talent.

On the other hand, Wuthering Heights is dark, twisted, scary, and thrilling in the same time. The creation of Heathcliff will haunt EVERYONE who reads it.

Both have the descriptive language that could make you picture the scene as it is almost as if you are watching a movie.

also in the category;
1. The rest of Austen's books
2. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Well, there you go, those are the books that I can only remember now... I would put in more as it came into my mind. Anyone who wants to read good books, pick one from this list, YOU WONT BE SORRY.

To those who look down on teaching profession

2011-09-29T01:52:00.000-07:00

OK

Aku tau aku belum dapat kerja tetap lagi sebagai seorang guru sekolah menengah,

So, apa aku kate ni adalah berdasarkan

3 bulan mengajar kelas terakhir tingkatan 4 di SMK Sri Rahmat, one of the most notorious school in JB untuk subjek bahasa Inggeris

2 bulan setengah (and still counting) mengajar 2 kelas terakhir (subjek BM and Muzik) darjah 4 di SK Dato' Onn Jaafar, sekolah biasa2 di sebuah pekan called simpang rengam, Johor.

Glad we cleared those things up, so, u r free to taunt my credibility in saying this

In light of recent problems of new Educational Graduates who had been jobless for almost 4 months now

and the rumour saying that there is probability that teachers will get an RM 200 raise for their salary

and also thousands and thousands of sayings about how the educational system is politicised (seriously, people are shocked by this?)

There are some uneducated people who think that they are educated enough to say things like;

a) Oit, kalo setakat stayback sampai kul 4 kat skolah tu ape la sgt woi? Orang lain kerja smpi kul 5, ni baru masuk kul 7.30 balik kul 4 pun da bising, grow up la woi...

b) menyampah aku dengan cikgu cikgu ni sume, tetiap tahun gaji diorg je dok naik, gaki kita ni pegawai kerjaan lain dok kat situ je, masih lagi RM 2900, nape gaji guru da samapi 3 ribu lebih dah starting nye?

c) aku nak nasihatkan anak2 aku nanti jadik cikgu la... gaji diorg sume lebih, buat kerja bukan seberapa pun, setakat masuk kelas, ajar, kuar kelas, apa la sgt kan?

This is just a few which i saw own some politician's blog. Those are comments. I know i should not be affected by it, because like i said, these people are uneducated.

but

I just cant,

It is just that, i believe that some of us are busting our backs to teach ur delinquents that you called children and u go and criticise us?

Everyday we have to

enter class

screamed on top of our lungs telling them to use punctuations and good grammar when they write in the hope that all of them will comprehend

get out of class

do the reports

make panel letters

update the files

think of what to teach next

make sure no students will
-beat their friends
-rape their friends
-molest their friends
-stab their friends with their pilot pen
-stab the small, mousy new teacher with their pilot pen
-paint a mural using a knife on our cars
-jump from that tall building over there
-break their tables and chairs
-bully their friends until they want to jump off from that tall building over there
-bully the small, mousy new teacher until she/he wants to jump off that tall building over there
-wear their sports attire when they are told to
-wear at least more than one article of clothing to school
-wear make up
-whore themselves around
-force their friends to touch their private parts
-force the small, mousy new teacher to touch their private parts
-touch their own private parts and get off in class while their teacher is happily explaining about what 'befuddling' means
-touch the teacher trainee in his/her private parts
-touch him/her at all
-fail to listen to instructions in class
-forget about what being taught in class
-not know how to read
-not know how to count
-not know to at least write their own name
-make their teachers want to borrow the shovel from the tukang kebun and hack themselves to death
- - in short - become and asshole when they leave school while scoring their SPM/PMR/UPSR with good results

(the list that i have listed is what i have encountered in both school - true stories)

what I am trying to say is that, being a teacher is not as easy as it seems, so you ingrates who are under the impression that we go to school to just sit around, shout to students and go back while receiving a big fat RM from our PM are happily living in lala land

We are busting our backs seriously

at least i do

(the statistics below are taken from my students in SK Dato Onn Jaafar, where i teach BM, Muzik and I am a class teacher - nicknamed a single father of 34. I teach two classes for three subjects - one more being pend moral)

6 of my students cant read well
they are 10

67 of them have some attrocious family background that makes them lose hope to live
they are 10

6 of them have lost at least one of their parents
they are 10

2 had lost both parents
they are 10

18 are living with at least one ailing parent
they are 10

NONE of them have parents who earns more than RM 2000
they are 10

1 had lost her parents to a most tragic even you can think off
she is 10

So people, on top of my work to tell them how to use tanda baca, how to spell, how to read, how to write, how to speak, how to use big words, how to listen

I have to be some kind of a life coach to this kids

on top of all the admin work that we do

come on, give us more credit will you

sorry if i offend any working teachers...

A lousy week, a bad year

2011-09-21T05:06:00.000-07:00

I had a hard week...

Had some feud with people I love...

had a 'great' time at school...

And suddenly I lost the will to just do anything...

I am not usually like this,,, I dont sit and laze around.

In my free time, I

1.Write
2.Google some interesting facts on the net like finding out how people in Timbuktu lives
3. I run, like work-out la

but I dont know... It started with one thing, i mean one problem...

and then my mind mysteriously raked all past disappointments (which I had pushed back waaaaaaaaaay down in self-loathing pool inside my brain) back up...

things like

1. How could I have stopped writing for over a year
2. How could i gained like 16 kg in just one year
3. How I couldn't run like 2 km as though its nothing anymore...

It gets to me man...

If i have used that year wisely, I would still maintain my stamina, and I would have thousands of short stories to rewrite...

but I have none... but i have lots of fat...

so today... i tried to create a timetable for myself

woke up early

took my breakfast (at this point, i was impressed at myself)

didnt eat at all in school

Used a new method to teach today (and magically everyone actually did their work quietly)

Went back home, did some weights (pulled a muscle at the back of my hip, painful till now)

and started to continue writing, managed a thousand words today

went for a jog, couldnt do more than 2oo meters, was breathing like a wheezy old guy on his deathbed,

went back home and wallow in self pity...

When i think back...

I didnt only had a lousy week

I had a bad year...

but hey, the year hasn't ended

and even though the government sees fit to not take me up for a job they had been training me for...

and i have my graduation to look up to...

and a date... (Blush)

so...

I just have to get off my ass, and do something!

I need to survive, and I dont want to die of heart attack at 26...

Hopefully i will stick on my routine this time...

Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Tikus Segan - Politik dan Korupsi

2011-09-10T19:59:00.000-07:00

Aku dah naik bosan dengan perbincangan tentang politik...

Rasa cam nak jerit... CUKUPLAH...

Dua-dua pihak tak habes2 kutuk pihak lain...

Lepastu... yang paling aku menyampah bila ada avid followers yang seolah-olah mencium tapak kaki leader masing-masing

yang A kate B corrupt, Yang B kate C, C kate D, D pulak tuding balik kat A.

Nak migrate, tapi negara lain pun sama...

senang macam ni la... baik aku bagi satu analogi... kepada mereka yg kate A corrupt and B tak,,, mari aku tunjuk macamana corruption boleh berlaku dan tak boleh dikawal...

Scene ini di Kantin Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Tikus Segan, Muar, Johor.

Mak Cik Tipah adalah seorang pekerja kantin S.M.K.T.S, Muar, Johor.
Peraturan yang ditetapkan oleh pengetua En. Nik Ajib adalah semua pelajar di kantin perlulah beratur semasa membeli makanan di waktu rehat.

Maka semua org perlulah assume yang peraturan ini have no exception;

Tetapi, MAkcik Tipah, seorang wanita berumur 40-an ternampak anak jiran beliau yang sering bermain konda kondi bersama anaknya setiap petang sedang beratur di dalam barisan.

Makcik Tipah sangatlah sayng dengan anak jirannya yang bernama HArry Potter ini... maka dia pun;

MakCik Tipah: Harry, Lah, kamu rupanya... mari ke belakang ni... mari...
HArry: Mak Pah, kenapa ni?
Makcik Tipah: Mak Pah tatu pulak Harry sekolah kat sini... mak sihat?
HArry: Sihat Mak Pah...
Makcik Tipah: Bagusla tu... eh, ni Harry nak makan ape?
HArry: Tadi harry nak beli nasi lemak...
Makcik Tipah: Oh, nah, 1.50 je...
HArry: Wah, terima kasih MAk Pah... takyah susah-susah beratur... hehe....
Makcik Tipah: Haha... ye lah... dah pi makan sana....

Adakah ini satu corruption? Cuba fikir betul-betul... di sini... tiada 'moral grey area'... di sini ada betul dan ada salah...

Ya, ini adalah satu corruption...

Mengikut kamus Cambridge Online Dictionary yang aku baru je google 2 saat tadi... corruption bermaksud; illegal, bad or dishonest behaviour, especially by people in positions of power

Makcik tipah berada dalam posisi berkuasa pada waktu itu, maka dia menggunakan power dia untuk membuat satu yang illegal demi anak jirannye...

Ya, ini adalah satu corruption...

Sekarang aku nak tanya; korang rasa berapa byk lagi situasi seperti di atas berlaku di kalangan kakitangan sekolah?

Antara Guru Kelas dan Murid,
Antara GPK 1 dan Guru,
Antara Tukang Kebun dan Guru,
Antara Makcik Kantin dan Boss Kantin,
Antara Boss Kantin dan Guru,
Antara Guru dan Guru,
Antara GUru Cemerlang dan Murid,

Fikirkan, mestilah berlaku byk corruption yang kita rasa harmless dan takde effect kat sesape...

Tapi bayangkanlah kawan-kawan HArry Potter yang sedang galak berpeluh-peluh beratur dalam barisan demi mendapatkan sepinggan nasi lemak, mereka semua akan berfikir, apa kelebihan HArry Potter untuk mendapatkan layanan istimewa? Adakah aku pun perlu berpindah ke sebelah rumah kakitangan makcik kantin? Kenapa dia boleh potong line aku?

(Well maybe, being teenagers who are to engrossed on hormonal induced sexual tendencies wont even be bothered, but at this point i want to remind u that this is an analogy... so cuba faham ok)

Sekarang aku nak tanya lagi satu soalan;

PErlu atau tidak untuk para pelajar menggulingkan Pengetua mereka kerana behaviour Makcik Tipah yang motherly itu...?

Ramai yang akan jawap Tidak, tetapi beliau perlulah menegur makcik tipah...

Tetapi;

cuba kamu fikirkan... berapa luaslah kerja seorang pengetuya itu... beliau bukan pergi ke sekolah untuk enjoy air-cond free dan download cerita katun untuk anak dia dekat internet free di komputer free dalam bilik dia sahaja...

Beliau ada urusan dengan Sekolah lain, dengan JPN, urusan mendapatkan guru baru, kewangan sekolah, urusan dengan guru-guru, request cuti guru, panggilan telefon dari IPG berdekatan untuk penempatan guru prak, aduan dari ibu bapa....

Banyak kot...

macamana dia nak detect satu corruption yang dialakukan oleh seorang pekerja kantin dalam masa 5 minit pada waktu rehat di sesi pagi sekolah....

Pengetua bukan Tuhan ok....

Tetapi apa yang lihat di kiri dan kana aku, dan di kedua-dua sekolah (Govt and Oppo), semua murid seibuk mengatakan yang corruption tu adalah arahan pengetua...

Lepastu murid-murid persoalkan kenapa Pengetua dapat kerusi span, bilik aircond, computer sendiri dan assistant... kenapa pengetua ada kelebihan tu...

apa lah korng ni... sebab dia Pengetua la... haih...

Cuba kamu semua fikir... untuk mejaga sebuah negara adalah thousand times harder dari menjaga sebuah sekolah, betul tak?

Korang kata mudah? Aduh, korg nak govern diri korg pun tak tentu lagi... Solat siap tinggal... mulut tak reti jaga, kesihatan diri cam haram... lagi nak rasa diri hebat nk jadi pengetua sekolah?

Come on la...

air dari akar, tak tentu akan sampai dengan selamat ke pucuk... sebab air tu nak lalu batang, dahan dan ranting, yang kekadang ada kumbang atau ulat kayu...

arahan dari ketua tak semstinya selamat dijalankan hingga kakitangan terbawah sekali... ramai orang di dunia ini berperangai seperti makcik tipah... yang walau niat dia baik, tetapi tetap salah...

sebelum korang menuding jari... cuba fikir... apa corruption yang kamu pernah buat?

Betul perubahan itu boleh mula dari seorang... tapi bukan bermakna dari YOur Vote... but your personality....

Ini adalah peringatan untuk diri aku sendiri juga...

Jadi berhentilah cakap mana satu pimpinan lebih corrupt dari yang mana... padahal kamu pun kekadang ada bertindak zalim juga,,,, jadi marilah perbetulkan diri dan masyarakat dan negara... yes, in that order...

What I Want...

2011-09-06T21:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we have wants and it screamed a lot louder than our needs. For Example, there was one time when I depleted a whole lot of my deodorant, but i refuse to buy a new one since I think i want to use the same amount of money for a KFC meal - hence a smelly customer in a KFC outlet.

So in this moment of free time from scolding my students to have better writing.

I want to list down all my wants...

1. I want to get posted... I mean, RIGHT NOW!
---- it seems as though that my loving government kinda forgotten about my existence... it is kind of they had shoved our documents aside and tend to bigger needs like - the pilihanraya

2. I want lots and lots of money
---- not like i work for it kinda thing... i want a huge sum of money - like 10 million ringgit - to just fall on my lap, so i can make all the following wants real...

3. Buy a huge house, the kinda house that could make Elizabeth II think that BUckingham is a shack.
---- Just so that i can put my whole family members in it so that everyone will have their own personal space and can cry without anybody else hearing them.

4. Live in Putrajaya
---- I want to live and work here, is that possible? I love this place, it is well-planed. And Alamanda is so deprived of people... spacious... and it has GSC...

5. To own a huge library
---- in my huge house, they will be a huge room just devoted to books, so that i can run into it escaping from all life's commitments for one minute

6. To stop certain people from swimming in a pool of debts...
---- easy right? If i have 10 million ringgit, i can stop these people from creating a whole new set of debt, right?

7. To just sit quietly in one space, with my laptop, without the sound of any whinings or fake ass crying, and write a book.
--- there is a probability if this happens... everything else in the list above could be true... but i am not any good, and that is why there is wants #8;

8. To have a crazy writing talent that could sink Harry Potter like titanic
---- if i can only snap my fingers and make this true... if only.,, but nothing can happen unless you work for it

9. TO go around the world without thinking of the expenditure...
---- right, even the money spinning datuks and datins think about the expenditures right... what more a part time pekerja macam aku ni...

Well, it is like desire, like sometime you close your eyes and imagine things are truer than what they are in your head. How I wish... some people may think that it is too materialistic,... but this is just a moment of weakness... like you cannot think of anything else but to just snap your fingers...

I know it cant happen... some of the want is near to an impossibility... but hopefully it can be achieved...

I am so glad

2011-08-04T21:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, In my mundane days of a Jobless life. I would sit in front of my house, looking at the mundane street, thinking of the past and the future...

Thinking of the student life that has left me for over two months already.

Somehow I miss it, to the point that it would wrench my heart....

Like the time I was living in a house for one year in Serdang with the 4 most awesome housemates I could ever have.

The classes in UPM, the resourceful resource center in the faculty

The Navy training

The most invigorating lecturers ( a few lah)

The volleyball game every evening in JB

The easy access to bookstores, 2nd hand or new or online

The big fat allowance every semester

The easy access to my favourite cinema: GSC

Alamanda, Putrajaya (because there are not many people, i hate crowded place)

My room, My bed, my table

the routine

Well, to name a few...

and then i looked at the pictures, and somehow, despite the gut wrenching missing-activity

I felt a new emotion looming in my heart...

and that is Gladness!

I'm glad that those life had left me

I figured that I can make my future more interesting (probably the dread of having to work as a teacher wont help much - but, still)

I figured that I could leave past problems in a baggage labeled: Stupid College Adventures and Conflicts

I'm glad that I've left parts of me behind, parts when I was still stupid and stupid (yes i said stupid twice)

The time when I had long, curly hair, and faded jeans, and some annoying colleagues

I am glad that it is all over. It's over... woohoo...

I don't miss life in college

I actually miss the friends and the everyday routine -

which could be easily remedied by developing communication and transportation technologies and also a well planned discipline...

mostly, I am glad that it was over... I would miss it sometimes, but I am so glad!

Writer's block

2011-07-17T22:45:00.000-07:00

I have a story

with a pretty good ending

with pretty good conflicts

with 7 most interesting characters that I have ever created

but I cant seem to end it,

because I feel that I am not good of stringing words into a story.

Whenever I read thing back, i felt

the story is choppy, and abrupt

staccato

and i am haunted by my past

2 years ago, when I was still actively writing

I managed to write things that are beautiful

but now, after two years of not-writing

It seemed that I can't write anymore...

I feel so empty...

Damn, I am melancholic fool again...

Hogwarts: an escapism for all who need to escape

2011-07-14T20:05:00.000-07:00

It all started from a small imagination by a woman in a train ride....

and then paired with her magnificent talent in stringing words into creating a world...

a world where all children/teenagers/and adults could go to escape from their daily routine life.

Who else have created a world like this?

Hogwarts, and everything in it, became a new world for children all over the world to grow up with.

I remembered how i was in Love with End Blyton's famous five series...

Blyton had this wonderful talent of knowing what children wants to hear...

J.K Rowling on the other hand, had the talent of creating a world where everyone could go to.

Her style of writing had the way of making your mind wonders into that world.

and i fell in love with that world.

and was thankful to her for creating the world where i actually could think that Harry, Ron, and Hermione were my friends.

and i cannot believe that by the premiere of the movie last Thursday...

It would be mark as the end to us all...

I simply wish that she would write more books, but it is good that the story ended as how it was.

Don't tamper with things that is already perfect.

J.K. Rowling, what would I give, if I could be given a chance to talk to you for just five minutes...

an Attack to English Language in Malaysia

2011-07-12T23:31:00.000-07:00

I am disgusted...

First, all of the Sasterawan Negara decided to take a train to stupidville and make a tunjuk perasaan a few years ago so that the Math and Science medium of instruction could be reverted back to Malaysia holiest language - Malay.

And then Astro decided to have a dwibahasa thing in English channels such as FOX and Disney

and then there are next to none bookstores in small towns such as Simpang Rengam

and even if there is a bookstore, the English section is only two shelves...

and then they blame English Teachers because students nowadays cannot master the language...

and then they brought in 100 English Teachers from the US believing that those Mat Salleh's can do wonders....

hey why don't you just drop English Language from the curriculum...

Stop with the crap that it is our second language... Just say that it is a foreign language...

Easy... simple....

so that students can come to school and see no importance of studying a foreign language...

and when these students miraculously survive to university, they can ask the TESL (who will be called TEFL) students to edit (and by edit I meant re do) their assignments in English.

Because it is not important...

because the environment for the young to use or listen to language is near extinction...

For all of you little people out there who thinks that ETEMS sucks, you're so STUPID...

yes i said it

you ARE STUPID!

even all the sasterawans or big named, important people...

you're STUPID

because you thought that it was an attack to Bahasa Malaysia

you thought that it would downgrade BM as the medium of knowledge...

well then, use the language for something that is more intelectual than just maing stupid movies like 'Jangan Pandang Belakan Congkak' or 'Kongsi'

because things like that plays with your children minds.

and it has a direct effect to the way they use BM...

It downgrades it...

and YOU, Little Humans who believes that English is BAhasa Penjajah as has been promoted by people such as A. Samad Said and Faisal Tehrani....

you are STUPID...

do you know that all those important people who went against ETEMS sends their children to the UK and US to study?

So their stupid, spoilt brats can master the language so they can make it big in Malaysia, and stand on YOUR children failures on mastering the Language,.,.

here we all are, busting our backs trying to make sense of why students should study English and why is it important for their future... and you simply change the channel for them to learn...

I respect BM...

in fact... I love BM lit...

my sister is a BM lit enthusiast and she had troll everything down to me.,..

Languages are languages...

it is not owned by you or me or the mat sallehs...

it is everybody's language...

Allah created languages for us to listen, communicate and learn,

not for you to pee around and mark it as your territory..

idiots! really...

so please... it is disgusting how you people are attacking English Language,...

of course, some of you obstinate stupidheads, who are too insecure to even ask what obstinate means would call me unpatriotic...

whoever dares, lets have a debate with me on the origins of your beloved BM... i would loooove to comment on your endless stupidity...

London: Part 1: A New-Comer Guide to Surviving the Alpha City

2011-07-05T00:57:00.001-07:00

Some of my friends said that this place is an overrated tourist location. It is as overrtaed as Mawi or the long standing disgraced ex-Deputy Prime Minister.

However, you cant deny that it is an interesting tourist spot.

Maybe for those who love the architecture, English Lit and History would find it fun to be in the city.

And I, with my minimal amount of income could reach the city, I thought the chances were astronomical.

So here I am, writing about the city to the sour grapes who believed that they could not go,

and this is also for those who dream to be in the city but they think that it is impossible

I present to you;

LONDON
Part 1: A new comer guide to survive in the city

Step 1: Buy some glue, pluck some feathers, paste it to your arms and fly!

AirAsia: The stewardesses for the international flights are hotter, honest!

Okay people, learn from my mistakes. I bought the ticket only three months early, so My return ticket was RM 2500. I know it was still cheap compared to some other airlines, but you can save more money.

This is what you do, plan your holiday, but a year or at least 10 months early, you WILL get return ticket for at least RM 1500 with tax included. Seriously, no joke.

Don not go around summer, because even if you buy a year early, the tickets will be expensive.

My advice is for you to go in Spring.

However, AirAsia is clever too, cunning if you ask me. They will trick you with many hidden charges as you go along buying your ticket. So you need to be smart and say no to all of these things. (Do not pay for extra luggage space, you don't need it, pack light, England is not tropical like Malaysia, you wont sweat.)

Do not be luxurious, be smart. Do not complain of the cramped seats, it is wider then the local flights, if my 63 year old mother could survive the 14 hour flights with the so-called cramped seats, then all of you sniveling complainers can too!

Step 2: Catch some horses, saddle up and move.

Stansted Express or Airport Limo: If you decided that walking would waste your holiday

I don't know if you decided to use MAS, Royal Brunei, Singapore Airlines or the Garuda. But if you use AirAsia, you will land at the Airport with the cheapest tax - Stansted Airport. Also, arriving at Stansted will save you some time at the customs, because it is not as busy as Heathrow. Heathrow is the busiest airport in the UK, you will spend a lot of time waiting at the customs or even waiting for your bag.

Heathrow has its plus points too, apart from you having the chance to run into British Celebrities, you will also find it easy to commute from the airport to London. Using the famous train system in London - The London Underground, there is a station in Heathrow. (More about London Underground in Step 7)

Using Taxi to get out from Stansted

Now, if you are in Stansted, the problem will be getting out of the place. If you are in a group of 4 or 8 (take note, I worte 'or' nor 'more') or 12 or keep on adding 4. I would suggest you to use the Stansted Airport Limousine. This is a cosy van with large luggage space fit for four passengers. It will cost you 106 pounds (around RM 535) to get to Queensborough Terrace (I will explain why Queensborough Terrace in Step 3). But you need to remember that the 106 is only the cost for the Limo Company, the driver will need a tip from you. (All British services will consider you cheap and out-of-the-world if you does not give them tips, so if you want to fit in, fork out some money.) So it is advisable for you to give the driver 110 pounds (RM 550) so that he will keep the 4 pounds as his tip.

Since you are going to give him RM 20 tip, you may want to use him to the max. If you are lucky, you will get an understanding driver who will take you through the heart of London city to get to you destination, ask a bunch of questions about the sights, he will pleasently oblige.

How do you get a limo? After you have been cleared of customs, you will arrive in a Lobby of the airport, look for a cab/van booth and ask the nice lady about your destination. She will explain to you about the price and where to claim your driver. However, she will explain in a rapid jabbering of British accented English. You may want to swallow your ego and ask her to slow down because you are an innocent London first timer (Even if you are a TESL Graduate).

Too expensive you say?

Use the Stansted Express, this is a train that will usually cost you 21 pounds (RM 105), however the price is seaosanal, sometimes you will find that it will drop to 8 Pounds (RM 40).

This train will only get you to Liverpool Street, here you may need to find an Underground Station for you to get to whereever you want to go.

Step 3: Looking for a lump of hay to rest your head.

Malaysia Hall: Oh, and there is the Malaysian Flag, happily flying in London.

The cheapest, most Malaysian Abode

Well, the cheapest for all Malaysian is in Malaysia Hall of course, situated in the Queensborough Terrace . This will cost you 13.41 pounds per night. It is the cheapest in London. Other hotel prices (thousands of hotels are scattered all over London, you will have no problem finding a room, but the prices may kill you) vary from 25 pounds to 300 pounds. You can find hotels anywhere in London; Queensborough itself is a home for more than 40 hotels along the street.

Malaysia Hall: a HOSTEL fit for a King!

Malaysia Hall is a hostel. But it is a spacious two-bed bedroom with intact bathroom and toilets. It is a single sex hostel, so bad news for those newlyweds who plans to consummate their marriage in here.

A word of caution for most Malaysians, the toilet is off Hardwood Floors. So you cannot spill water when you are cleaning your - er... - backside after you have finished doing your - er... - business. This is when your creativity comes into play, be as imaginative as you can.

They will provide a beaker in every toilet, if you can't find any, you MUST go down to the receptionist and her to provide you one. Again, swallow your ego, this is for your well being. For the rest of the Malaysians who depend on toilet papers, no problem for you - there are loads here.

You will need to familiarize yourself with the use of the heater in your room. If it proved to be ineffective, you MUST go down to the receptionist and made this problem known because you will desperately need your heater. Even in the hot summer, the nights are chillingly cold.

Since that it is a hostel, the woman at the counter is NOT affable (like all other government based services), so don't waste your breath trying to tell her how excited you are that you finally got the chance to travel, she will only stare at you. True Story.

You would need to pay everyday if you plan to stay here for more than one night. They don't entertain 'I want to stay for three nights' kind of things. Pay every morning to ensure that you have a pillow to sleep on.

Also, if you decide to sty here in the months of September to December, DON'T. Malaysia Hall is closed to give way for students who are starting their studies here. Heed my advice, again, go in the Spring, the city is prettier and Malaysia Hall is emptier.

Have craving for a more luxurious stay?

If you decide to sleep on a plusher, more expensive pillows, just walk into a hotel, ask for an empty single/double/family/executive suite and tell them the duration of your stays. Politely give them your last name (or any names if you have bin or binti) and take your keys and go.

If you want to be wise, since most hotels will charge you per head and not per room. Send one of your most charismatic friends to the counter and ask him/her to book a family room. This will usually cost you 80 to 100 pounds. After the transaction is done, ask your friend to cleverly smuggle you with the excuse 'Oh, they are just visiting.' to the suspicious receptionist and share the cost of the room among yourselves. This will not be an easy thing to do, ration the large luggage of your group between yourselves so that the receptionist wont get suspicious that the people you claimed to be 'just visiting' are in fact people who want to spend the night.

Be careful and creative.

Step 4: Read the Sun and Stars, stick to your way of life and pray

For Muslims, England is a country where the sun is extremely and constantly fickle. Sometimes you may get 8 hours of light or sometimes you may get 18 hours of light. So it is only natural that the prayers time will constantly change.

Compass: Bring one, so even in a stranger's land, you will feel at home

The case of Islamophobia

However, despite the 2010 minuscule, but extremely fascist, movement of Islamophobia in London, the city turned out for me to be one of the most Muslim friendly cities in the world, even friendlier than Singapore. This is in the sense that there are thousands of Muslims here, you can find Halal food anywhere, and there is a famous mosque near the Barbican.

Take note that even when the Muslim-haters movement is on the move, you need to know that it is not a popular belief, the whites in London proved to be extremely friendly and welcoming to my Hijab-clad sister and mother when we were there in 2010.

When I was there in the month of May, 2010. The Queen of England had just gave a peerage to the first Muslim senator in London.

So there is no serious problem of Islamophobia in London.

Prayer times

You can get the prayer timetable in the Malaysia Hall itself or the Mosque in Shoreditch. The Malaysia Hall itself has a big Surau underneath, right next to the canteen.

Step 5: Put the letter in the bottle, throw into the sea, hope for your loved ones to get it.

You may need some groceries such as bread and nutella to help you ration your money in this budget trip. You may want to buy sim cards for you to call home and tell you mommy that you have safely arrived or brag to your friends of the fact that you are in London and they are still in Parit Sonto sipping coconut juice nursing their envy.

Queensway: Everything you need from filthy keychains to knock-off designer bags.

Just two streets away from the Queensborough Terrace is the Queensway: a street full of shops with everything you need. There is a Tesco near the Bayswater underground station and here they sell halal food. Stock yourselves up with bread, butter, jam or even chicken sandwiches.

You may be surprised with the cheap prices here, a bag of 6, extremely sweet apples will cost you around 90 pence (like our cents) or 1.20 pounds. At the end of the road is an Alamanda-sized shopping mall called the Whiteleys. You can shop here too. There is also a cinema in Whiteleys in case you want to watch some movies.

Along the Queensway Road, there are numerous shops that sell hand phones and you can buy your sim cards here. A fair warning on sim cards, they will tell you a thousand and one offers but you will always be to shy to ask them how to use it. The Malaysian hand phone will sometimes be as giddy as you with the excitement of being in London.

There would be some codes for you to enter before you can use the sim cards, but you may dont know this and you will resort the conslusion that the seller had coned you. Again, swallow your ego and ask the seller about the sim card until he is annoyed at your existence.

Step 6: Grind some meat, pick the eggs, shoot the ducks and eat.

Breakfast: Nothing beats the large European portion of Food.

For all Muslims, here is a good news for you, Halal food is scattered all over London. It is not hard for you to find Halal food. Even some of the western food are halal too.

If you are on your way to the Queensway from Queensborough Terrace, you will find a petite restaurant wedged between a money-changing office and souvenir shop, it is overlooking the Bayswater road, here you can have your English food with heavenly hot chocolate for under 10 pounds. (Look at the picture, that is the food that you will get if you eat here.)

Fancy a more exotic meal? Near the Tesco which i had explained in Step 5, there is a Pakistani Kebab restaurant called 'Halal', you will not miss this shop since they put the word 'Halal' on top of the shop in red neon light.

Or if you miss Malaysian Food for God-knows-what-reason, you can always eat in Malaysia Hall canteen back in Queensborough Terrace. They serve the usual Nasi Campur. A little hint on the taste though because they dont have the similar ingredient like they have in Malaysia, so your 'Teh Tarik' will taste a little powdery since they use creamer and not the run-of-the-mill F&N milk.

But a good thing about food in London is that it is off the European Proportion. Meaning to say that it is LARGE! You may find yourself full for the whole day after you had force yourself through a large plate of Chicken Burger with fries at breakfast.

For all fast food chains, they are non-halal, but for the non-Muslims, of course there is no problem for you. Plus, the prices for the meals are all around 1 to 3 pounds per meal. So knock yourself out.

If you decide to go the fine dining restaurants (there are only one or two that is Halal, try 'Angsana', it is a Malaysian Food restaurant) make sure that you have more than 50 pounds in your pocket because the price on the menus will gouge your ayes out. What is more, you need to hand in a 25% tip for your waiter. Heed my advice, unless you are a son of a money spinning Datuk, or you have a money-spinning Datuk or Datin for your sugar mommies or daddies, or you are a money-spinning datuk yourself, do NOT eat in a fine dining restaurant.

Note: The only Halal KFC that I found was in Coventry.

Step 7: Clean your horseshoe, resaddle your horses and canter around.

Now there is always a question of how to move about in London, take note that you are in a city with the most efficient underground trains.

They have at least a station in nearly all streets in London. So you can cover a lot of touristic spots using the Underground.

London Underground: You'd think that I dont take pictures in Public Transport

You need to buy Travel cards rather than Oyster Card or paying at every stations. With only 6.40 pounds per day, you can travel all around region 1 & 2 (these two regions are London, you dont need to travel as far as region 8) and re-use the cards again and again and again.

Go to any Shops in Queensway that says 'Travel Cards Available' and but it for 6.40 pounds. The next thing that you need is the underground map, do not be too traumatised with the Kuala Lumpur KTM/Komuter/Star/LRT map that you distrust the Underground Map, it is actually very efficient. First, find out a station nearest to your Touristic Location on your map, look for the station in the underground map and look at the lines that connects the station nearest to you and the station nearest to the location, board the train and enjoy.

For example, if you are now at the Queensway, you have two stations on you, either the Queensway or the Bayswater, if you decide to go to the Tower Hill station, Bayswater has a direct line (circle line, yellow in colour on your map) to Tower Hill, make sure you board the right train, for example, if you are going to the tower hill using the circle line (because London underground has more than ten lines), on your map, they mark the circle line with yellow colour, so make sure you board the train with yellow poles in it. Simple as that.

London underground is highly efficient, do not worry if you miss a train, they have a train available in every 2 minutes.

If you want to understand more how to use the Underground for touristic spots, wait for Part 2 of this post.

Step 8: Break a twig, pick a stone, some trinkets for you to bring back home.

Of course you would want to buy some souvenirs for your friends to further rub it in to their faces with all their envy.

Queesnway is strewn with shops that sells souvenirs, from Teddy bears to key chains. If you are as popular as Brad Pitt, but not as rich, you might want to buy just key chains for your friends, because mugs and t-shirts cost around 5 - 25 pounds.

Dont worry about your friends, they will aprreciate it that you think of them when you are having the time of your life, if they say lame/cheap/boring/hmph! to the key chains that you have at least spent nearly RM 10 on, you know who to disinvite to your wedding.

Seriously, their currency is nearly 5 to 6 times compared to Malaysian Ringgit, so economise yourself, spend more for your families, that is justified, but not when you have the family with the size of families in Ant hills.

And tha is the end of Part 1, in ppart 2, I will explain to you where to go and what to do at the coolest sights in London.

after 6 years: the end!

2011-05-23T16:01:00.000-07:00

After thousands of complaints, liters of tears, cackles of laughter, hours of emo-ing and so on and so on and so on.

The six years have ended.

It ended.

And I cannot believe it.

(but actually I can)

In this 6 years, I grew up, and most of my friends did too, we came with our high school mentality and we leave with at least non-high school mentality. Even though we are not yet mature enough but

we still we did grew up.

This growing up thing will be the reason why I am going to miss studying bot in Maktab and UPM so much. Because this phase of my life is very meaningful. I will miss the lecturers, the study, my friends, the cohort 4 and the ketua warden (seriously?) and everythinglah!

I have done a lot of things in these six years, and I am proud of almost all my decisions that I have ever made. Let see some of the things I will miss the most..

Awesome friends

(This picture was taken a gazilion years ago, note the immaturity)

Wasting our time doing Maktab activities

(Most of the cohort 4 will remember this Danga Bay trip 6 years ago as our very first picture moment together. We were at Danga Bay hailing flags for Merdeka celebration, oh we were so young)

acting in Pygmalion

(Cynthia: Aaaaaoooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh)

Dorm mates

(Since the lovely Maktab decided that i can be a better teacher by living in a dorm, i decided to make that whole sem fun, but we did only one outing with all members present. How can i forget listening to 5 different songs at once, zero privacy, and saifullah screaming at the top of his lungs... oh the times)

Debating for K12, UPM

(we won 9 times in a row, this could be the best team that i have aver had in my entire life. And of course, i was the best speaker, twice...just had to say it.)

London Trip

(The ultimate event!I was bored with the Cohort's plan to go to the UK that i decided to plan one of my own and bring my mom and sister whose dream was to be in the country where History is alive and literature are as abundant as coakroches in the Larkin gutter.)

NAVY

(One of the best decision in my life was to join this thing, and to quit it too... bittersweet memories, definetely enjoyed the training)

OFF WITH HIS HEAD, theater in TESL

(My first script got in stage and it was good, enough for me, however i did learn things about human behaviour on this course, which would take another whole post to explain)

The lelaki B Bola Baling team

(Kalah bermaruah beb...)

The ability to ponteng kelas and go to places like aquaria to enjoy life

(Certainly you cannot pull stuff like this when u are in the working world. So i would definitely miss it. This was when Samantha, Cynthia and I decided to ditch Puan Juridah's class and went gawking at giant Arapaima in giant aquarium)

Hardcore Literature Class

(Now I am going to be stcuk teaching who is Miss Broome in the infamous qwertyuiop. but i really miss learning harcore literature with a hardcore lecturer such as Dr. Edwin.)

Wearing normal people clothes

(Of course this doesnt apply in Maktab, but still, i am going to be stuck with the noose-like neck tie and i hate it. I miss keeping my hair long and messy and wearing my stripy t-shirt and jeans)

Going out to cool places like the theater

(They dont have things like this in JB or anywhere i'm posted later)

There are actually loads more that i would miss, come on, it is 6 years of my life... but the focus now is THE END, so lets be excited for the next phase of life....

Committing suicide

2011-03-17T02:05:00.000-07:00

I have been watching a lot of Hindi films growing up, 70% of the reason being that my dad hails from the land where there they say Romance is thriving... (India, really?)

Well, the point is, Hindi films had taught me a lot, for example, never go against your parents in choosing a bride, you will have to burst in songs and you will have to roll down the hill with you forbidden lover. I for one is tone-deaf, so I have to follow this lesson so i wont start to croak out a song and create a wave of hate mail drowning my house...

Anyway...

One of the lesson that I got from watching Hindi films is (apart from how to dance and sing and roll down a hill) is about suicide.

you see, Bollywood in the 80s and 90s are famous with its suicide scene, example, a girl who is denied her lover by the parents will burst into a heartfelt song and used her father hard-earned petrol oil and her brother's matches (which he kept secret from the father because of a whole different subplot) and dramatically burst into flames and died, much to the father's regret.

The lesson of the story that I got from my parental guidance support is that;

Never ever commit suicide, because life is a gift and you would be buying a ticket straight to hell if you do it... also, committing suicide would be a very,very painful way to go.

Well, in Islam, committing suicide is haram. Since life is given by Allah s.w.t, so you must find a way to make your life worthy and productive. All your problems which would bring you to the edge of the knife would be a test from Him, so you should find a way to survive with your faith intact.

Well, of course I am against committing suicide and the last time i checked, the whole world is against it too... until Euthanasia is made legalized in America (America has more possibilities than India)

I read that most people who turned into Euthanasia had three main relevance ;
1. 'I am too old and sick, I dont want to trouble others'
--- and the whole world is nodding in understanding while watching whoever that had made this complaint pay thousands to a hospital to die.
2. 'I am old now, i cannot bear watching my wife die before me, so we decided to die together'
---and the whole world 'awwwwed' in understanding that they are such romantic couple
3. 'So what? I dont fear death, life is too complicated, with politicians and corruptions, i wanna see God'
----??? speechless

Well, to me, whatever you rational is, it is still suicide, it is still Haram, it still seems to me that you have given up.

God has plans for all of us, even when you are sick and needy or just plain stupid, stop being selfish and imagine how much blessings the people who are taking care of you would gain...

well, euthanasia for me is just one more way to commit suicide that Bollywood havent use.

A Landslide Brought Me Back

2011-03-11T16:05:00.000-08:00

So yeah, I think the entire universe heard me when I complained about my students and my teaching practical...

It is like a virus, controlling my brain telling me it make a lot of sense for me to complain. I rationalize myself that if i dont complain, i would become crazy.

But i didnt realise how stupid and immature it is that i complained about a band of 16 years old tearing my brain out.

It is my job, i signed up into this, i knew what i was going to deal with.

but i still complain...

Like a a four year old spoilt brat who was denied the world's most colorful sweet.

So yesterday, i complained about a boy in my class whose sport is to make fun of me. I complained as loudly as i could. Towards 7.00 pm i realised how brazenly stupid i was while i was complaining.

So i tried to avoid myself wallowing in the sudden embarrassment by looking through Youtube looking for videos of losers trying to catch attention by dressing up like clowns and miming to Justin Bieber's I need somebody to love.

But what i found slapped me so hard that i was depressed the whole night.

The tsunami in Japan.

Here I was, thinking that i was having a bad day, and happily cursing a 16 year old while thousands in Japan were going through a nightmare came to life.

The tsunami literally wiped out the civilisation. Houses.People.Cars.Buses. All gone in matters of minutes.

And i was complaining that i had one idiotic kid in my class...

The survivors were dealing with their lives literally turning upside down. Lost loved ones, and any kind of momentos of their lost loved ones were swept away too...

No photo albums, no homes, they cant tell their friends that 'this is the place where i used to do something absolutely wicked/happy'

To them it will remind them of the time where they felt a humongous loss and defeat and sadness.

And i was complaining about my life while i was eating twisties and watching Glee.

I feel so stupid and childish...

My heart goes out for the victims.

My prayers are for you.

and to everyone else who is going through the same problem;

The survivors in Christchurch, New Zealand.

The survivors of the Brazil's mudslide

The survivors Haiti and the China earthquake

The children in Palestine

...

Where is Ultraman when u need him?

Kenapa aku benci dengar orang mengutuk Menteri?

2010-12-26T22:21:00.000-08:00

Sorry, but this is my blog, so to evade from any hate-mail or unwanted comments... I just want to say... this is what I think...

Oh yes, despite what u'll read, I am not a pro-govt. Im just like an impartial bystander...

Kebanyakan masa bila aku surf internet atau lepak dalam dorm, kadang2 ade je cerita2 sumbang pasal elaun tak masuk lagi, lepas tu ntah macam mana bole sampai pada Perdana Menteri makan duit rakyat.

Aku dah penat dah dengar orang semua kecoh cakap pasal orang2 BN dok pecah amanah, makan duit rakyat, penuh dengan corruption. Naik bosan beb..

Aku bukan ade apa-apa preference pun, sebab aku belum pernah mengundi, tapi nampaknya aku sentiasa dikelilingi oleh pembenci2 kerajaan.

Yang aku pelik, orang yang dok tak habis-habis meng-gebang asik sibuk tekankan pasal duit. Haritu masa belanjawan, bak gunung berapi meletus kemarahan budak2 ni. Sebab rakyat tak dapat bonus... so meracau la diorng...

terus ade yang quote ayat2 pujangga kat aku; ade yang quote ayat machiavelli, plato, nik aziz dan sebagainye...

ayat2 yang aku pernah dengar dari orang-orang yang membangkang kerajaan;

1. Ah, 1 malaysia, haprak... duit sume untuk diorg, rakyat makan tahi!
2. Duit elaun kita tak masuk pasal najib guna duit tu untuk rasuah org, kan tahun depan pilihan raya...
3. Kita patut sokong PAS, pasal nik aziz makan pakai tangan, tapi najib makan pakai sudu dan garpu emas.
4. Rosmah rambut besar, aku benci dia...

Tapi bila time Najib turun padang, kuarkan duit repair 2-3 kawasan perumahan dan rumah-rumah pangsa... diorg tak kata ape2...

Bila Rosmah dok bising2 suh sume org berkhidmat lebih dalam bidang sukan dan pelbagai aktiviti kemanusiaan, pun diorg senyap...

Sebenarnye banyak je yang diorg buat,,, tapi aku tak tau la.. pada aku macam tak cukup akal je org2 kuat kutuk ni...

Kutuk ye lah, kate boleh nak kutuk pemimpin yang tak adil... tapi bila aku tanye apa yang Najib tak adil... tersenyap lak...

Aku terus terang aku takkan vote PAS... sebab kalau PAS menang maksudnye DAP dan PKR pun menang... dua parti tu lebih sekular dari BN...

PAS mmg perjuangkan Islam... tapi bila dah berganding ngan DAP yang lebih sekular dari Amerika tu... cana lak aku nak caya dia memperjuangkan Islam bersama PArti sekular? adakah dia nak wat civil war ngan DAP bile dia mng?

Aih...

Kutukan dan tuduhan most of the time macam rupa bentuk fitnah...

Kalau Najib decide nak bagi every rakyat RM 5oo sebulan baru OK kot... itu pun nanti org kate najib buat propaganda...

Ntahla... so far, aku rasa Najib ok je... tapi mesti diorg akan kate aku dok baca utusan... ntah la... aku tak baca newspaper...

Kalau betullah PAS menang next term.. aku teringin gak nak nengok macamana diorg nak tunaikan janji dan elak dari corruption...

Susah aku nak pikir satu badan yang takde corruption... ntah, Pakatan Rakyat kate diorg takde... hmmm... takdela kot.. atau itu hanya propaganda.,..?

Aku termarah kejap pasal aku dok dngar org2 kat kedai bapak aku gebang cam Presiden U.S... padahal habuk pun takde... bosan aku dengar org mengutuk dan fitnah...

kalau betul, bagi bukti... sekadar lidah... budak umo 3 taon pun bole buat...

Best Female Classic Characters represented on screen by an actress.

2010-12-21T19:27:00.000-08:00

You know when you read books, your mind start to imagine how the settings look like, how the characters look like, and how everything happens.

And then, some hollywood director starts making an adaptation of the book that you read and you go to the cinema and start to compare the things that you have imagined and the things that the directors had put on the screen.

You may get disappointed, because the thing on the screen did not match your expectation, or you may be happy because the director had captured everything in the book and presented it so well.

You know how classic books tend to describe the events/characters in such details that you can imagine the shape of the nose of a character so well? Well, i cant help but to compare, and i cant help but to fall in love with some of the actresses who had portrayed the characters so well.

Well, mostly, i fell in love with the characters after i saw that the hot actress playing her, so mostly, at the end of the day, it probably is just physical.

Well, anyway, i have picked my favourite representations of female classic characters on screen; below are the top 5;

Please note that I am NOT an expert on either literature or castings for movies. Below are only my opinions as a reader and an avid movie go-er.

5. Romola Garai in the 2009 BBC series 'Emma'

Adapted from the character Emma Woodhouse from Jane Auten's novel 'Emma'

Apart from her unusual name, and the fact that she is hot (the pic above does not do her justice), she is a great actress and she had played Emma Woodhouse exactly the way i had imagined Emma Woodhouse to be. I spent nearly four weeks downloading this 4 episodes series by BBC and i fell in love with Garai all over again. She had acted in a number of Classic adaptations and the one that i have watched before Emma was her role as Amilia Sedley in 2004 Vanity Fair. That was good too, only that her role in Emma was better.

4. Gillian Anderson in the 2005 BBC series 'Bleak House'

Adapted from the character Lady Dedlock from Charles Dicken's novel 'Bleak House'

Lady Dedlock was a tortured aristocrat and she chose to kept her misery in silence while adopting a haughty characteristics. (You can read yourself how Lady Dedlock is in Bleak House)
Gillian Anderson did not only played Lady Dedlock well, she did it even better, from the face expression to her aloof speeches, she would have made Charles Dickens proud. I know I am no expert, but she should have got some awards for this performance.

3. Liv Tyler in the 2001 movie 'The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring'

Adapted from the character Arwen Undomiel from J.R.R Tolkien's novel 'The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring'
Liv Tyler is SUPER hot. I know that her character was aggrandized in the movie since she did not appaeared to be a heroic elf who saved Frodo from the creepy-9-dead-obsessed-over-a-freakin'-ring-kings in the book. But that scene, where she saved Frodo was the scene where i fell in love with her. The part where she cluctch Frodo on her horse in the middle of the River and said to the creepy, astmathic Kings 'If you want him, come and claim him!' with that deep voice. I melt like an ice thrown in a fire.

2. Rosamund Pike in the 2005 movie 'Pride and Prejudice'

Adapted from the character Jane Bennet from Jane Austen's novel 'Pride and Prejudice'

Oh Rosamund Pike... You know, if you watch the movie, you will be happier seeing the scene where there is Jane Bennet rather than watching Lizzy Bennet. I mean, just look at her! She captured the suitable poise of Jane in the book and plus - SHE IS SUPER SUPER SUPER HOT! I know the picture did not really do her justice here but just googled her yourself... she was once a bond girl, but i dont care... she had been Jane, and i cant imagine Jane as anyone else but Pike's.

Oh, note that Moven Christie as Jane in 2008 ITV Series 'Lost in Austen' was quite good too, she is not pretty but she is GOOD.

1. Peta Wilson in the 2003 movie 'League of Extraordinary Gentlemen'

Adapted from the character Wilhelmina Harker from Bram Stoker's novel 'Dracula'

Okay, the character Mina Harker in the league movie was actually from the comic book with a lot of classic book's characters. But she was originally from the novel itself.

I am actually not big on vampires, what with the explosion of vampire-clan movies nowadays such as Twilight (which had destroyed all vampires for me) true blood, vampire diaries and so on and so on and so on... but one cant forget the count who started it all, Dracula... and of course little ol' Bram...

Anyway, Peta Wilson in that role in the movie... with her deep aloof voice and her sudden change into a vampire... and also her line when she was captured by one of the villains;

Villain: I guessed as much, that they would do anything to protect you...
Mina: See now that is your biggest mistake, thinking that I need them to protect me...

She said this in deep voice before she turned into a vampire and juiced the villain alive!!! That was, i think the best performance by Peta Wilson compared to all her Nikita episodes -COMBINED!

And another plus point... Peta's hotness...

Well, there... I didnt read much and i didnt watch much.,... over the time, I watched more formidable actress toppled others in the perfomance in adapting any characters from the Classics... I cant wait for the 2011 adaptation of 'Jane Eyre'... Mia Wasikowska indeed...

sex tu ape?

2010-12-19T22:00:00.000-08:00

Perkara ini berlaku semasa umur aku enam tahun...

aku pada waktu ini adalah seorang budak kecik yang baik lagi innocent... dan aku mempunyai satu obsesi... iaitu menulis di sana sini...

Disebabkan aku pada waktu ini agak genius dan boleh membaca dan menulis, aku pun tanpa penat lelah dan jemu aku asyik menulis pelbagai benda di semua tempat, walhal di dinding rumah dan juga daun keladi jiran aku pun dijadikan kertas - tapi tak ramai yang marah, sebab orang anggap aku cute dan bijak serta geliga kerana boleh menulis pada umur yang kecik.

Jadi dipendekkan cerita, ahli keluarga aku, walaupun mereka appreciate aku pandai menulis, mereka juga penat mahu mengecat rumah setiap kali aku menjahanamkan dinding rumah aku dengan prosa-prosa hasil karya aku.

maka mereka pun membelikan aku sebatang pensel dan menyuruh aku mengisi segala jenis borang yang wujud di mana-mana sebagai ganti kepada dinding dan tanaman berdaun lebar milik jiran aku. Tetapi, memang aku tak aim daun keladi; surat avon jiran aku, aku songlap borang order dia. Borang langganan majalah jelita kakak aku pun menjadi mangsa. Pelbagai jenis borang la aku isi, semuanya dalam bahasa melayu...

Nak dijadikan cerita, mak aku dulu2 selalu beli surat khabar new straits times, dan terdapat pelbagai jenis borang di dalam surat khabar tersebut. Tetapi masalah pada aku ialah... aku tak paham kebanyakan requirement borang berbahasa inggeris itu...

jadi terjadilah sebuah kisah yang memalukan pernah berlaku kat aku;

pada suatu hari, rumah aku sedang lengang... abang2 aku dok main2 ngan kengkawan dia, bapak aku merayap mana ntah aku tak ingat. Mak dan kakak2 aku dok lepak kat rumah jiran untuk melibatkan diri mereka dalam network makcik2 sekampung untuk mendapatkan infomasi terkini.

Aku pulak tengah happy dok kat depan rumah browsing New Straits Times terbaru untuk borang2 fresh untuk aku isi...

sedang aku seronok mengisi satu borang ni, aku terjumpa masalah yang kerap aku jumpa apabila aku mengisi borang2 berbahasa inggeris;

name: (aku bole jawap la yang ni)
Age: (ni pun aku boleh jawap)
Sex: Yang ni la masalah aku... aku tak paham apa makna sex pada umur ini... aku tak tau yang ia membawa makna jantina dan juga membawa makna aksi pasangan berkahwin di ranjang. mana la aku tau... walaupun mak aku seorang bekas guru bahasa inggeris... dan sering mengajar aku vocab2 besar masa umur aku 6 taon... dia tak penah lak ajar aku maksud perkataan ni... ye la.. mak mana nak explain maksud sex masa anak dia umur 6 taon woi?

berbalik pada aku yang tgh dok sorang2 kat umah dan tengah konpius apa makna sex dalam borang tu, aku bersemngat untuk menjawap slot sex: tu kali ni juga... sebab selalu aku boleh jawap semua requirement kecualilah requirement sex itu...

maka aku pun berlari dengan menggunakan kaki kecilku ke rumah jiran di mana mak dan kakak2 aku dan segala makcik di taman perumahan aku tengah melepak...

aku menolak pagar umah jiran aku dengan penuh excited, curiosity aku membuak2... aku nampak mak aku dan lebih kurang sepuluh orang makcik2 setaman tengah duduk2 makan goreng pisang sambil berbual2.

aku panggil mak aku, mak aku terus pandang aku, ingat tak aku kate masa umur aku 6 taon aku ni cute? maka disebabkan aku cute, sume makcik2 yang ada dlam umah tu mendiamkan diri dan semua memberi perhatiajn mereka pada aku... diorang nak tau apa Azhar yang cute dan bijak serta geliga ini mahu berkata?

aku dengan penuh innocentnye aku bertanya;

'Mak, sex tu ape?'

effect selepas tu, semua makcik yang dah terdiam pada asalnya tambah tergamam... semua muka terkejut... mak aku terkejut beruk dan ketawa sambil tersipu2 memandang rakan2 networknye...

mahu lebih kurang lepas 5 minit diorng sume terkejut mak aku bersuara..

'Sex tu bende kotor... mana kau dengar perkataan ni... dah jangan dengar2 lagi perkataan macam tu... kalau dengar tutup telinga'

agaknya macam tu la mak aku kate.. tapi aku ingat mak aku kate 'sex tu bende kotor'

aku balik umah dengan penuh konpius dengan kenapa org nak taruk requirement untuk bende kotor dalam borang... apa bende kotor yang orang nak isis dalam borang? apa? apa?

maka aku buat kesimpulan sendiri pada waktu tu;

sex bermakna warna tahi kau secara general...

pastu aku kompius balik... kenapa org nak tau warna tahi dalam borang...

pada waktu malam tu, mak ngan kakak2 aku tanye mana aku dengar perkataan sex tu.... aku kate dalam borang... diorng pun ketawa berdekah2...

pastu baru mak aku bagitau... yang borang tu nak tau aku ni laki ke pompuan... oh, skang aku baru paham...

'tapi nape bende tu mak kate kotor?'

'er... takpe, lupakan... kalo lepasni ko jumpa perkataan tu dalam borang, makna dia nak ko bagitau dia ko laki ke pompuan... ok?'

6 taon lepas tu baru aku paham makna perkataan sex yang lagi satu tu...

baru aku paham kenapa makcik2 tu sume terkejut...

kesian mak aku... mesti dia malu gile....

nanti da besar aku nak jadi...

2010-12-11T17:38:00.000-08:00

Makin lama makin besar, umur da makin tua...

Kalo dulu2 makcik/pakcik/cikgu/org gila tanya aku da besar nak watpe... aku ada seribu satu jawapan... tapi masalahnye dalam seribu satu tu, tade satu pun yang berjaya aku realisasikan bila aku da besar...

dulu masa kecik-kecik aku jawap kat diorg;

'nanti da besar saya nak jadi lawyer'
-masa ni aku tatau pun lawyer tu ape... baca majalah ujang time tu aku namp[ak lawyer ade opis besar bole taruk bunga kat atas meja... aku pun nak jadi lawyer. Pastu ade org cakap ngan aku lawyer ni byk tipu... which is sad, cause Im kinda good in lying...

'Nanti da besar aku nak jadi penyanyi'
-pasal aku nampak ziana zain bawak kete cantik masa tahun 90an dulu... so aku pun mula la melalak keliling umah nyanyi segala jenis lagu yang ada kat carta muzik-muzik 90an, sampai mak aku terpaksa ban TV dari hidup aku selama setahun sampai aku tatau Doraemon da tade lagi kat TV 1...

'Nanti da besar aku nak jadi ahli sukan'
-Sayangnye, aku memang tade daya sukan yang tinggi... aku main semua jenis sukan, tapi sume aku di tahap yang corot... tapi sampai sekarang pun aku main sume jenis sukan...

aku: ape aku kesah ko kate ape?
team bola tampar: da ko mmg teruk main volleyball...
aku: ah aku nak main gak.. aku teruk main pun bukan aku susahkan hidup korang...
team bola tampar: ko buat kitorang kalah la...
aku: erk...

'Nanti da besar aku nak jadi ahli arkeologi/paleontologi'
-kecik2 aku dok baca encyclopaedia (ntah betul tak aku eja), sebab aku kene kurung tahap gaban pasal aku nakal tahap cilake... so aku tak kuar umah jadi aku dok baca je la buku yang ade,.. tetiba aku obses ngan dinosaur... abeh sume nama dinosaur aku hafal time tu... pastu dalam masa yang sama aku obses ngan pyramid kat mesir lak... pastu bangunan petra lak... sampai aku pun konfius ngan bende yang aku obses..

'Nanti da besar aku nak jadi model'
-pasal budak2 kat sekolah ejek aku hitam/hodoh pastu tade org nak kawan aku... (kesian aku masa kecik), jadi aku pikir aku nak jadi model so bila aku byk duit dan ade kat Tv, nanti budak2 kat sekolah sume menyesal yang penah ejek aku dulu...

Azhar: nak jadi model..
conscience: bodo, bedosa la...
Azhar: erk...

'Nanti da besar aku nak jadi penulis'
-betul ke aku bole tulis? da la pemalas tahap gaban... menulis perlukan komitmen...

dan brown: ko bajet ko bole jadi hebat cam aku ke?
azhar: eh.. tak boleh ke?
dan brown: ah kau pemalas cam kambing... ko ade tulis ape2 tak?
Azhar: Ada la!
dan brown: ade yang da siap?
Azhar: er,, tade la...
dan brown: so?
Azhar: ye la... ye la....'

'Nanti da besar, aku nak jadi cikgu'

IPGKTI: Aku akan train ko untuk jadi guru...
Azhar: ok!

6 tahun lepas tu~

IPGKTI: ko da ready?
Azhar: eh belum...

yang paling bestnye.. aku tak ingat pun aku penah cakap aku nak jadi cikgu...

tapi aku redha ngan takdir...

best gak jadi cikgu....

My dream!

2010-11-24T23:33:00.000-08:00

I always read in storybooks that people in my age always travel around the world and gain so much experience, i feel a little bit jealous, since most of the time I am stuck here in Simpang Rengam with next to no money gaining experience just by staring at a group of twelve years old playing very amateur baseball.

Well, I cant do much about it since to even travel around Malaysia itself would be costly, what more to travel around the world. I have been to India when I was five and I have been to England only last year, so I should be thankful that I am lucky enough to travel that far.

Though, an adventurer never would be satisfied with just a destination every ten years, right?

So, i just want to feed this passion here, I am going to list down the top 12 places that I want to visit and why, starting with number 12;

12. Paris, France

What more can I say, just by looking at the picture above is enough to fill me with the longing to be in this city.

The thing that drove me to be in this place is because recently I started to study French, so I feel a few month of eating halal-croissants and spending time and its historic city would do me good.

Also, this is the place where the famous musee d'lourve is situated, I mean come on, even people who are not that fond of the arts will spend their time staring at the famous paintings in the Museum.

11. Taman Negara, Pahang, Malaysia

Okay, I know that this place is not international, and probably a lot of people would say that it is no fun. But really, four hours of jungle trekking? I miss that, it has been a long time since I want to go trekking in Taman Negara, but it was always the wrong time, always no money, and always raining season.

All these obstacles only made Taman Negara even more fascinating to me.

Imagine, waking up in the morning, sitting at the edge of a river looking up to the trees and listening to the crickets and sounds of birds. Or at night, the sky will be filled with stars.

I am telling you, I spent my time in Hutan Banding in Perak, and I enjoyed it, so i bet i WILL enjoy Taman Negara too.

10. The Forbidden City, China

Okay, what else can I say about this place? It is like the cradle of China's history, the place for royalties, the place where concubines became empress. There is not enough books for you to read to describe this city, so, you just have to be there, to see it for yourself, to learn every bit of history and the architecture...

I know i have to buy a 50 gig memory card for my camera if I am here... I know i would take picture of every inch of the place.

9. El Giza, Egypt

What's with the culture and the history, and i imagine i would find halal food easily, right?

Well, this country has history waaaay back and most of the proves are still in existence. For Egypt, I would want to spend a month, maybe take a short course on history here, learn everything that i can learn, and spend my time gawking at the pyramids and the sphinx, i don't care how klise thay said the pyramids are, i still want to see it!

And i haerd the currency is a little bit lower than Ringgit, so I can live well there, I think la...

8. Ma'an, Jordan

This place is a home of one of the major historical sites in the world, the city of Petra. This place only became known to the world as recent as 1812. The mysteries shrouding this place is enough to get me there in the next flight (if i have 8 million ringgit).

It is just that, the poeple who created this place carved the city out from the mountains, and get this, only 1 percent of the city is available to the present world, the other 99 percent had been sealed by the people (Nabateans) who lived here when they left Jordan, who knows what lies inside the city?

7. Rome, Italy

This place is what some people call the cradle of civilisation (That does not mean that the ancient people are civilised, that just means that they lived in cities).

Before Rome became the center of Catholicsm, it was a pagan city rised above greece and famous for its knowledge in philosophies and art and also famous for massacre and criminal haven. The remains of all these is still vailable today, (Though most of the pagan idols had been destroyed)

The renaissance art of the holy roman empire is of course still preserved since the time of Michaelangelo and Bernini... and i don't know who else... i just know the place is full of historical sites and famous people had sculpted and painted their products and it is still kept there

These massive collection of histories and art is what drawn me to be in the city today.

6. Uttar Pradesh, India

Not only that this northern state of India is the childhood home of my father (he moved to Malaysia when he was 17, and now he is 71), but it is also the place where Hinduism started and the place where Muslim empires flourish.

So you can just imagine the history that this place have. The most famous sight in India is of course Agra - the Taj Mahl, and there are other interesting places too. The Agra Fort, Varanasi - the holy place for Hindus, the Fatehpur Sikri, Akbar the Great's tomb, and also Kushinagar - the place where Gautama Buddha died.

Also, the cultures of India which is colourful, the arts and the people (Uttar Paradesh is like the place where most beautiful people come from).

I've been to India when I was five, and i cant remember a lot of things but i remember sitting at the side of a lake with my brother, looking at storks and behind us was a vast field full of yellow flowers. It was beautiful, and i really want to go there again.

5. Inverness, Scotland

There is one thing about me that you need to know, when I was small, I always read fairay tales, it was the first few stories in English that i read. So, the ffects of that is my obsession to castles, vast lakes and Greensleeves tune.

So, my heart will go mellow now every time I think of such places. The highlands of Inverness is where the loch ness is; despite the over-publicized Myth about a monster dwelling in the loch, the scenery is beautiful, the Urquhart castle is just at the banks of the lake, how medieval is that?

When i was in London last year, i made plans to go to stay in an inn in Scotland, but the trip from London to Edinburgh itself was costly, and my mom, my sister and I did not have enough money. So we did not get the chance to go to Scotland, and that is why it is in my list!

4. Istanbul, Turkey
From a Byzantine capital, to Ottoman Capital, and into what is now the Secular Turkey's Capital. This place is full of history. The current culture is not that bad either, even though I hate secularism (i think it is a disgusting way of life, completely soulless).

However, all these occupations by different civilizations had made the place beautiful and rich with splendid architectures and fine arts.

Istanbul, (before Mustapa Kemal made his horrendous change) had been a place where the wonders of Islam flourished. So, i want to be in the place where once a Muslim Empire was at its strongest! - Imagine what i can learn!!

3. London, England

Okay, I know, I have been here, but why is it so high up in my list? London, there are just so many things for you to see in London. I have been here, so i know the wonders. The british Museums is where you can find the history of the whole world, you need more than five days to study them, or really to appreciate them The National Galerry, if you like art, that you would die in here. The Tower of London, the whole history of England is wrapped up in this one place - the place where three Queens of England was beheaded.

You can stay in London and you can go around London in one day just by paying 5 pounds... i mean ALL AROUND IT, because the whole of London is connected by the most efficient public transport in the world - the London underground.

I can study history, art and a lot of other things too here, just by going to the museums and libraries. Books here are sooo cheap too. Just one to six pound per book (second-hand of course) which means just five ringgit to thirty ringgit per book.

For Muslim travellers, the halal food is widely available, so there will be no worries!

I can just sit in the kensington garden in spring looking at the birds and the flowers and squirrels and just write me a novel or two. The atmosphere there is truly, truly different and very, very refreshing!

2. Cordoba, Spain

For seven hundred years, Muslim had made the place as one of the most beautiful and carefully administered city in the world. It is like a fort for Muslim civilastion in europe.

In that 700 hundred years, Muslims, Christians and jews live among each other under the supervision of Muslim leaders. There were Universities for Medicine, the first univeristy studying medicine and arts in the world was in Cordoba!

Muslim scholars in Cordoba knew about surgeries and other medicine stuff while at the same time Doctors in England was curing the King of England's injury with real (and of course lethal) gold dust. So, can you imagine the flourish of the most knowledgeable and most carefully administered city in the world at the time.

However in came Ferdinand and Isabella driving all these Muslims away and claimed Cordoba as their own. And all the scholars was driven out since both the King and Queen said that the knowledge was given by satan. So, surgeons was replaced by blacksmiths who would just cut off your feet if you told them that you have rash at the sole of your foot.

Well, with that simple history, dont you want to look at the remains? Cordoba is still full of Muslim cultures and architectures. I want to see the place where one of the world's most flourishing Government once stood.

1. Mecca and Medina, Saudi Arabia
There is not a place I want to be more than I want to be in Mecca.

I shall not even explain why, I know if you are reading this, I am sure you understand why.

My wants to be in this place is beyond any reasons... just beyond.

I just WANT to be here -that is all!

I will make my dream come true one day - no point of waiting, I will go to these places, especially the number 1.

Feminism, yeah are you sure?

2010-11-22T19:17:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks, I have been surfing the internet and looking around and I always stumble upon blogs and blogs created by Americans who are actually Muslim haters... A funny thing about their debate in downgrading Muslim are always about Women; 1. Women have to wear headscarves, so it denies feminism. 2. Women have to cover up, so it denies feminism 3. Freedom is about you showing as much skin as you can Since Muslim women are supposed to cover up, so they think that our religion is Barbaric and old-fashioned.

Well, it got me into thinking, whether they - the Americans, Europeans - respect their women enough, or they are just humiliating them even more.

The term that I am going to use a lot in this post is brain-wash, the women in America and Europe are brainwashed into thinking the more u show your skin, the better off you are...

let us see some of the activities that the American/European women are involved in, to me, these activities are the ones that would downgrade women, but for them they call it feminism.

1. Miss World/ Miss Universe competition.

Once every year, all the people in the world would go gaga over this competition, they say that this promote peace and friendship (what the hell happened to sports?), they kept on saying that this is a scholarship program.

For most men, this is the time for them to objectify the women, come on, a group of hot women from all over the country are parading around on the stage in their skimpy bikinis, you think we would think about feminism and freedom and equality? Come on!!! It is just about the boobs people!

You know what these pageants remind me off? Just look at the pictures below;

For those who actually like these kinds of competition - better stop reading now

Contestants for Miss Universe competition, all beautifully lined to be judged

REMINDS ME OFF;
Contestants for a show dog competition at Westminster, London, all beautifully lined up to be judged

Similar? No? Come on, I know you are thinking it, for those of you who live by pageants, you have been warned not to read...

Come on, if this is not humiliating women, then what is? In the Pageants, they have slots like costume and talent slots so that these women will parade their costumes and showcase their talents... which is funny since in the show dogs competitions, they have these slots too...

Since most Muslim countries forbid women from entering these kinds of competition they are deemed to be backwards and anti-feminism. Even some of the Muslims think that they are so backwards since their dream of becoming the Miss Universe thing is forbidden...

Come on, get real, it is not a scholarship program, it is a space for men to express their hormones and women to flaunt their beauty.

Ironic isn't it? How cultures who deemed themselves to be supporting women rights are actually downgrading them, and we the little people of the world are stupid enough to buy that notion...

i mean COME ON!

2. Modeling

Twice every year, Tyra Banks would shout to young girls all around America; Wanna be on top?

and thus starts the viral plague that is America's Next Top Model that has, since it birth, infected every country in the whole wide world to have their own version of these competition including Malaysia - Malaysian Dreamgirls. (have never watched the Malaysian version...)

but the very-similar-to-beauty-pageants competition is not the case here, I want to talk about modeling as a job;

Muslims are actually forbidden from these kind of jobs, since flaunting your beauty is not right (which put me into guilt, since I like photography)

Also, another thing that makes modeling wrong in Islam is the amount of lying involved in it.

Again, even in Malaysia, when this topic is open up for a debate, they are many people who said that modeling is an honet job and we should be proud that we have very good Muslim supermodels who came from Malaysia like Nasha Aziz and more.

There was a youtube video a few months ago created by an American atheist who kept on downgrading Muslims just becuase they are not many Muslims supermodel in the world...

Well, come on, this is another job that actually is downgrading women - look at it closely;

A photshoot is very important, but according to supermodels, once a model is in the photoshoot, they are regarded as no better but a moving mannequin, if the director ask you to strip down, then you have to strip down, of course, the picture of your hoohaa is not going to be included in magazines, but all the crew have seen your huha anyway, the question I am asking is that - where is you morality and you dignity then?

A photoshoot also is a place where a lot of editing takes place, because the real YOU is not suppose to be in a picture, so they edit you up and the end photo will be included in the magazine and sold to millions of women who are insecure of their own beauty and they starts to spend all their money and their sanity to achieve the computer-perfected look.

Look at an example below, see how much editing is involved;

and the end picture will go around the world feeding on all girls' lack of confidence, and then starts a viral plague that is botox and extreme makeup.

IT IS NOT REAL: IN THE FIRST PLACE

Now, why dont we want to promote modeling? Because
1. It would give men space to objectify women,
2. It would feed on women insecurities
3. It would degrade the worker

But you know, since Americans dignity does not lie within the amount of skin they show, what do they care, but the question is; where is their dignity?

It is a very subjective debate, since they have managed to fade the line between what is good and what is bad...

To be continued someday...

Anggapan orang2 bodoh

2009-12-19T18:08:00.000-08:00

Azhar: Batuk, Batuk.... lama betul aku tak update...

Habuk: Ingat ko da tanak datang....

Azhar: Aku nak update la...

Habuk: Takpayahla...

Azhar: Suka hati aku la...

Habuk: Bole aku tanya satu soalan?

Azhar: Apahal?

Habuk: Apsal ko itam?

Azhar: Apsal ko tanye?

Habuk: Muka ko macam india la...

Azhar: Aku mmg india...

Habuk: Tapi ko solat...

Azhar: India tak bley jadi Islam ke?

Habuk: hehe...

Azhar: Bodoh la ko...

Habuk: Ramai orang panggil ko hitam...

Azhar: mana ada ramai? Sorg dua je...

Habuk: Pasal apa diorg panggil ko hitam...?

Azhar: Sebab diorg bodoh... macam ko...

Habuk: Nengok budak tu...

Seorang MAKHLUK CIPTAAN TUHAN #1 lalu di depan AZHAR dan HABUK

Makhluk ciptaan tuhan 1: Manusia Hitam! Manusia Hitam!

Habuk: Ko nengok!

Azhar: Dia takut sebenarnya...

Habuk: Takut ape?

Azhar: Takut dengan aku, pasal tu dia cari something yang dia rasa tak best, and dia exploit la...

Habuk: Ko rasa Hitam tak best ke?

Azhar: Aku tak penah kata... aku OK je...

Habuk: Tapi ko selalu kene ketawa...

Azhar: Biarlah orang2 bodoh tu masuk neraka...

Habuk: Oooooo

Azhar: Uhuk (batuk) bila ko nak blah ni?

Habuk: Aku penunggu blog ko la...

Azhar: Nak kate ko bodoh pun tak boleh, ko habuk... takde otak...

Habuk: erk.. betul tu...

22 tahun aku hidup kat MALAYSIA... bende yang sama juga org persoalkan lagi dan lagi dan lagi.... Aku bersyukur lahir kat Malaysia, aku tanak duduk kat negara lain... tapi kalau rakyat Malaysia (yang mengatakan tanah yang aku pijak ni milik nenek tok ayah mereka) brainwash aku kata aku tetamu yang tak diundang kat negara aku sendiri, macam mana aku ada rasa setia untuk aku menyumbang pada negara aku sendiri...?

Kalau kaji Sejarah betul2, dia org yang kata tanah ni tanah tok ayah dia org tu pun tak tau perkara sebenar... kadang2 aku kesian.., tapi baik aku kesian kat diri aku sendiri...

Yang dianggap bodoh, oleh mereka yang sangat bodoh...

Revelations in many roles

2009-10-27T22:55:00.001-07:00

I shouted as though my lungs were hurting when it strikes me that Theater class has ended. I was very relieved, the whole time when i was still in the period of hating the class, i forced to look for the silver linings - there must be one, at least one...

When it ended, i actually took a moment - yes, Azhar takes moments - and look at my group members, we did good, we were awesome. We had fun at the end game. I realised a lot of things, learning experience is what i describe theater class now, before it ended i described it as @&%$#@ experience. Learning experience, not just about theater, but about communities and people and myself. I mean, one thing about theater is that - i was forced to hld several roles at a time, and with each roles i learn one thing, and here - i want to break the roles one by one;

Azhar Khan as a Friend

Oh yeah, we fought in our own group, i know now that i dont know how to socialise, i have the social skills of an iguana. I messed up a lot in the group, and sometimes the people that were affacted by the mess i made can either be patient or act out. They say i have problems explaining myself (thus similarities between me and an iguana, have you ever seen an iguana socialise?). So, this is what ihave to learn --> Socialising 101: Its effects and when to limit oneself

Azhar Khan as a Manager

Oh dear, I am a mess. I am the royal incarnation of everyone who has ever been called a klutz. I have this problem that i always pushed my worries into the subconscious and i wont think about it again. And that is what i did with my group. I have problems also to manage people, i mean, i have to hold on to the fact that i cant make everyone happy right? Alas, i tried and failed miserably, either i needed to be mean and be hated by my group members and make the theater a succes, or just shut up and drink in every crap my group members threw my way and make the theater a flop. I dare say i did a little bit of both, and the theater turn out to be a succes... that is what i called nasib baik. But, we paid our dues, we wroked hard for that succes man, you have noooo idea....

Azhar Khan as a Director

I am not as creative as i think i am! Yeah sure i told my actors on where to exit and where to enter, but it will result in confusion still, even i had taken sometime off to sit and think of my often stupid decisions. Off telling how my actors should act? Here comes another problem... should i pushed them? or should i not? Telling the crew of what to do is also depressing. Off all the theaters, i think my group have the simplest lighting directions and music (i have only four music, how little is that?) but still it results in chaos while we are rehearsing - thank god everything went perfect for the final performance. I am so scared of telling people what to do, need to be more brave...

Azhar Khan as an Actor

Are you kidding me? Sure i got the award for best actor when i was 11, but come on! i had only 2 lines for a five minutes play, and other boys were all extras, there was no other actors, of course i got that award. Now, i was confused with my own character which i have created myself, what should i be, how should i speak? Are you kidding me? I cant act, the iguana can act better than me. The important thing is that i tried, and some people (who i think are really nice) actually said they liked me (even when i only have like 5 lines).

Azhar Khan as a Scriptwriter

This i enjoyed the most. I love doing this, and when people actually said they liked it, i am so relieved, the feelings is as though an iguana can finally fly or smile. When the lecturer asked me to cut a lot of scenes i was sad as hell, you see, i have this weird relationship with things that i write, it is just that, well, ok i Love them, it is like my baby, so who likes to hear that their babies needs tweaking. Okay, okay, i know, i am weird.

So, those was the many roles that i had when i was doing the course. Damn, i learnt a lot, and hate to admit!

Habuk: Laa... tu la pasal, sape suruh ko gile kuasa

Azhar: Suka hati aku la.... ko sibuk apasal?

Habuk: Nengok macam aku, satu je role aku; lepak kat blog ko yang busuk

Azhar: Kuang ajo! huiiiisssshhhhhh (tiup)

Habuk: I'll be back!

Habuk dan aku

2009-10-09T23:54:00.000-07:00

Azhar: Uhuk... uhuk (batuk)... mak aih, apsal dah berhabuk da blog aku ni?

Habuk: Pasal ko da lama tak update la... aku buat la sarang...

Azhar: aish... sapa bagi ko kebenaran masuk plak?

Habuk: Aik... aku nengok takde sape... aku masuk la... cam best je dok sini...

Azhar: Aih ko... memang nak kene ni... aku busy je la... tu aku takde masa nak update blog tu...

Habuk: Ah... alasan... cakap je la ko pemalas! Pemalas!

Azhar: oih... melampau kau ni... da la ko masuk kawasan aku... pastu boleh nak kutuk2 aku...

Habuk: Yang ko tak reti nak update blog ko apsal?

Azhar: Oih, ko sape? Perlukan aku explain pada ko... ko bukan sesape untuk aku...

Habuk: Kalo camtu... baik aku terus stay kat sini...

Azhar: Baik ko blah...

Habuk: Tanak!

Azhar: Ish ko... aku tiup ko je kang ko pegi hinggap kat blog orang lain...

Habuk: Aku tak berani la blog orang lain...

Azhar: apsal?

Habuk: orang lain cam banyak pengaruh... kau macam sikit je... bukan ramai pun follow blog ko... hehehe... kalau aku hinggap blog orang lain, aku kene serang ramai-ramai... ko takde sape nak back up...

Azhar: uish ko... melampau betul... nasib baik ko habuk... kalo ko adalah orang, sudah lama aku piat telinga ko...

Habuk: so aku stay kat sini k...

Azhar; Ko ni... tak berseri blog aku berhabuk... blah!

Habuk: Ala...

Azhar: Blah!

Habuk: Tanak!

Azhar: Huuuiiissshhh (aku meniup)

Habuk: Aku berterbangan ni... but aku akan datang balik!!!!!

Bahawasanya perbualan di atas adalah lebih daripada apa yang anda baca... mesej nye ade, selain dari nak memberitahu yang aku dah lama tak update blog.

My Heart Goes Out For You...

2009-09-17T06:14:00.000-07:00

Semasa aku drive balik kampung tadi, aku terdengar satu lagu raya ni yang aku bukak full blast kat radio (pasal aku terlampau ngantuk)... probably pasal aku ngah drive, so aku pun menumpukan perhatian aku pada lirik lagu tu...

(Baca dalam keadaan ber-melodi)

Sedang kita bergembira

Jgn lupa yang tiadaaaaa!

aduh, tetiba aku terasa sedih, hari raya - walaupun aku da tak dapat duit raya, dan susah nak beli mercun, tapi ia adalah satu hari yang aku masih lagi rasa happy nye, terasa macam nak melompat tetiap pagi raya... kalau boleh aku nak tetiap hari jadi hari raya.

Tapi aku terkenang dekat kawan/kenalan aku sume yang dah mengalami peritnye kehilangan org yang mereka sayang. Aku tak pernah rasa lagi, Alhamdulillah, aku honestly tak dapat bayang apa perasaan aku nak lalu pagi raya tanpa org yang aku sayang, aku sendiri tak boleh comprehend betapa pedihnye hati aku nanti - sebab aku tahu hari itu akan datang.

Kebanyakan kawan2 aku dah merasa perasaan ini, aku tak dapat bayangkan apa yang mereka lalu. Aku cuma boleh kata sabar, tapi aku pun tak paham camne nak sabar. Honestly, seeing some of them talk about their loss openly telah menyebabkan aku nengok diorang in a different light - lebih berani, lebih kuat, lebih layak untuk dihormati.

Sebenarnya, aku nak taknak fikir bende ni semua, aku nak sambut raya aku in total ignorance that someday i may leave the world and never see my mother or my nieces again, i want to live in total ignorance to the fact that i may have to not see my parents again until the day i die. My heart is breaking everytime i am away from them, will i have the strength to face everyday without the knowledge of me having the freedom to lay my eyes on them whenever i want... God, i am not ready for that.

But, aku mahu sambut raya dengan gembira, tapi aku takkan lupa kepada yang sudah tiada, kepada yang dah rasa kehilangan, my heart goes out for you - aku tahu aku tak paham - so aku akan doakan untuk korang, aku akan doakan untuk mereka yang sudah tiada, aku akan doakan untuk kekuatan korang...

aku tahu aku tak patut mintak bende ni, but when the time comes, doakan untuk kekuatan aku, supaya aku boleh jadi kuat macam korang....

Lutut dan Rambut

2009-08-28T20:58:00.001-07:00

Perbualan antara 2 kawan aku

Girl1: Waaaa.... nana (bukan nama sebenar) makin vogue ko sekarang!

Girl2: Eh... mana ada... biasa la ni...

Girl1: Dulu ko macam Ana Solehah, apa kes sekarang?

Girl2: Aku da clash ngan balak aku...

Girl1: Ooooo, dulu balak ko suruh pakai tudung ke?

Girl2: Ha... dia suruh aku buat banyak bende... sekarang aku da bebas...

Girl1: Pasal tu la ko tak pakai tudung sekarang...

Girl2: Kalau aku pakai tudung, aku rasa hipokrit, biarlah bila aku pakai tudung time aku ikhlas...

Azhar: ????????????????????

Kenapa Girl2 fikir yang dia akan rasa hipokrit ye? Aku tanya dia...

'ko tau kalo ko tak menutup rambut, leher dan tengkuk ko akan berdosa?'

Girl2: Ah, sudahlah Azhar, ko bukan baik sangat! Ko pun perangai macam sial gak, ada hati nak nasihat aku! Ini adalah hak aku, badan aku, suka hati aku la nak pakai camne pun...

Korang perasan tak yang dia tak jawap soalan aku? Macam ni lah, mudah je aku nak analogikan bende ni... kalau aku suka minum arak (Untuk yang tak tau, Arak adalah haram - kerana dia memabukkan - kerana mabuk bole membawa kepada perkara2 yang tak boleh blah), dan kalau ada orang marah aku, aku pun jawap yang itu adalah hak aku... boleh ke ye? Arak dan showing off your body ni pun sama haram... kenapa nak wat bende haram n then kata itu adalah hak kita?

Wow... itulah salahnya... badan kita bukan hak kita beb... itu hak yang Maha Kuasa Tuan punya dunia...

Semua manusia tak perfect dalam dunia ni... takkan Girl2 ni tadi nak tunggu aku jadi macam Rasul (yang memang mustahil la aku nak jadi macam Rasul Allah) baru aku boleh tegur kesalahan dia...

macam ni; kalau ada salah yang aku buat, tegurlah cara baik... kalau ada salah kamu buat, aku akan tegur dengan cara baik... aku akui, aku mmg bukan baik... aku masih lagi tak confident yang aku boleh melepaskan diri dari Azab neraka dalam dunia akhirat nanti... tetapi, jika aku ada kawan yang boleh mengingatkan aku... dan yang mengingatkan tu ramai, mesti aku pun jadi segan nak buat salah juga kan? Kalau semua saling mengingatkan... tak ke sihat komuniti kita?

Ni... ada lagi satu perbualan antara 2 kawan lelaki aku...

Boy1: Lekuk (bukan nama sebenar)! Apsal ko mandi sungai pakai baju ni?

Boy2: Ala... aku malas la bukak baju...

Boy1: Ko ni... macam bapuk la... cuba ko bukak baju... pastu ko pki suar panjang lak... lagi susah nak berenang!

Boy2: Takpelah... aku tanak tunjuk lutut ngan pusat beb,,, aurat beb...

Boy1: Alamak!!! Poyo la lu bro!!! Bapuk bapuk je lah!

Yang ni pulak camne eh? Ni lah kalau kita ada kawan2 yang tak supportive lagi jahil ni... macam ni la jadi dia... seolah2 usaha boy 2 tersebut adalah salah di sisi undang2 sosial... camne la umat nak maju kalau camni?

Aku penah nengok citer Gol&Gincu, episod di mana salah seorang watak berhenti kerja sebab Boss dia wajibkan dia pakai tudung... dia kata kalau dia nak pakai tudung, biarlah dia ikhlas nak pakai... mmg lah bende tu betul... tapi mana boleh... aurat satu kewajipan... tak perlu tunggu diri ini ikhlas... kena sentiasa pakai... abide apa yang wajib... dah lah bende tu ditanyang kat TV... rosakkan minda kanak2 je... citer cam Muallaf tu ad yang nak ban... tapi citer Gol&Gincu tu patut kene ban..

ah.. tetiba aku jadi serius plak... Ntah la... aku cuma boleh berharap supaya org yang berfikir camne aku describe dalam dua perbualan tadi boleh nampak some sense....

This is what I know of Love

2009-08-21T15:10:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, my lecturer asked my classmates and I what is the meaning of Love. It seemed like it was fate because I have just moved into the indifferent phase after a recent heartbreak (again!)… very recent, it was just two days before my lecturer asked us this question that I could hear my heart breaking.

So, I thought I want to take the safe way out, I want to write a very analytical concept about love, to show people as though I didn’t crave it. But my more dramatic side forces me to write something from my heart – at the time when I was writing, I thought that it was suppose to be in a written form, I did not know that my lecturer would soon ask me to read it out loud for everyone to hear, just wanted to share with you, this is what I wrote;

I think I don’t know what love is; I don’t how to describe it. But this is what I know of love;

I think, it is the feeling that I have whenever I think of my mother, it is the painful feeling that I felt, whenever I see my sisters are in pain. It is the pride when I know my brothers excel. It is the guilt that I feel, when I came to know of my father’s sacrifices and how I dare to call him unfeeling (my father is my hero!) It is the appreciation that I have for every drop of my mother’s sweat just to put clothes on my back.

It is the guilt that I felt every time I had to scold my nieces. It is the strangely warm/safe feeling that I have every time I think of my mother. It is the regret I feel whenever I think that I am to shy to hug my father. It is the guilt that I have when I have to tell my sister off when she wanted to call me during my lecture time. It is the guilt that I have every time I made my mother cry. It the breaking of my heart whenever I heard my nieces shouted my name to save them from whatever fear they are going through – be it a moving lorry or a dark room.

This is what I know of love – all those feelings.

Only a few people were called to read what they have written about love. I don’t know why my lecturer wanted to call me, before my turn – I have read what I wrote over and over again to practice my unfeeling-ness so that I wont cry when I read it out loud. But when it was my turn, I started to read, and I could not move on, I stopped at the word ‘mother’ and her image came to my mind. I felt a lump in my throat – I was about to cry. But I was determined to not cry in front of my whole judgmental classmates. I moved on, stopped every time when I reached at words like ‘Nieces, father, sisters or brothers’. The action of crying has been substituted to the major nervousness. My feet were shaking to the point that I can’t stand, I had to shake them to shake off the nerve in my feet. My hand were trembling to the point that my classmates in the front row were gaping. But I managed not to cry. Half of my classmates did not understand what I wrote because how i breath and stopped while i was reading it (mostly because i was trying not to cry), some of them came up to me and said ‘I nearly cried’.

I just that – I cannot comprehend what love is. Being a major failure on relationships with girls – having my heart break time and time again by girls. So my family is the only reference of how I ‘feel’ when I love somebody. I think, those are the feelings that represent love – kinda morbid, but this is all I have.

BABI! BABI! BABI!

2009-08-15T03:41:00.000-07:00

Macam aku abru terbangun dari tidur...

2 tahun lepas, aku ada blajar satu buku ni (Untuk sastera: Aku kan org berseni) Tajuk dia The Lord of the Flies. Lepastu, adalah penulis buku tersebut menggunakan haiwan yang dipanggil babi sebagai satu symbolism untuk student2 sastera macam aku ni figure out apa point dia pakai haiwan tersebut. Aku pun dengan bangganya mengangkat tangan aku supaya lecturer notis aku... (Sebab aku mmg suka tunjuk pandai)...

"The author uses pigs as symbolism to show that the boys' behaviours are downright ugly, as the general pigs' nature... pig are dirty by nature"

Little did I know that dalam usaha aku mencapap itu, aku telah dikecam oleh classmates aku yang bukan beragama Islam. Maksud aku semasa aku cuba sampaikan 'Pigs are dirty by nature' tu adalah cara kehidupan babi-babi tersebut, yang suka bermandi lumpur, yang suka merodok tanah, yang selalu buat bunyi yang kelakar, dan tidak lupa juga pada rupa haiwan tersebut yang tak berapa sedap nak diapandang mata. aku tengah cakap pasal spesis babi hutan la ni, (teringat masa kecik2 aku ngan kawan2 aku terkene kejar ngan babi hutan semasa kami tengah best main guli)

Classmate aku time tu kata aku ni tak reti nak nengok dunia luar dari kacamata budaya aku....

Jeng jeng jeng... hari ini, baru aku paham apa maksud classmate aku.. (2 tahun seh aku nak amek untuk paham, dah kata, aku memang lembap!)

Maksud classmate aku ni, dia nak kata macam aku ni babi-phobia la... dan aku juga benci pada haiwan tersebut... tapi aku baru nak take offend lebih sikit harini pasal aku rasa apa yang dimaksudkan oleh 'kacamata budaya' tu adalah Islam... agama yang aku cukup bertuah kerana dipilih untuk menganutnya...

Cis, apa yang mereka semua fikir Islam membenci babi? Apalah, walhal Tuan Punya Dunia ini sendiri yang mencipta haiwan tersebut, mengapa perlu aku benci?

Adalah reason mengapa Islam suruh umatnya jangan makan atau sentuh haiwan tersebut tapi tak mahulah aku menerangkan perkara tersebut disini, sebab ini bukan point aku...

Ada dua jenis manusia yang aku nak sampaikan post ini

1. Orang islam yang fobia kepada babi sampai nak sebut perkataan tersebut pun nak tukar jadi ba alif ba ya

2. Orang bukan Islam yang fikir Islam adalah agama yang menyuruh umatnya membenci babi...

Aku terserempak dengan kartun menghina islam semasa aku melayari internet, kartun tu menunjukkan sekumpulan babi memegang sepanduk yang menggambarkan Rasul Allah, dan ada sekumpulan orang yang berserban di depan babi-babi tersebut yang terkejut, terlompat dan marah...

beberapa sentimen dari kartun yang memang macam haram ini;

1. Dia menggambarkan Rasul Allah - ini mmg da lebey la

2. Dia menggambarkan yang umat islam ni babi-phobia...

selain dari nombor satu, umat islam tak patut pun rasa terhina...

aku tak paham, mengapa perlu kita fobia pada binatang tersebut? aku tak fobia pun... kenapa?

kalau ada babi depan aku, kompem aku lari kerana;

1. Aku malas nak samak kalau aku tersentuh

2. aku takut babi tu rodok aku, bole mati wooo

tapi ini semua tak menggambarkan yang kami Umat Islam ini fobia pada babi... so kenapa macam sampai ntv7 dan tv3 sanggup potong scene movie yang ada menggambarkan haiwan tersebut?

Movie adaptasi dari buku Goerge Orwell's Animal Farm telah diharamkan untuk masuk ke malaysia kerana watak2 utamanya adalah babi... tak paham aku (Aku nak nengok, pasala citer tu best) Buku tersebut pun pernah once diharamkan masuk Malaysia...

kenapa? kenapa semua ini berlaku? Kenapa sampai gambaran haiwan ini pun nak dipotong? Kenapaaaaaaa (Dramatik sikit).

Kepada yang bukan Islam, kami tak benci babi, Agama kami tak menyuruh kami membenci apa2 pun... kepada yang Islam... nape korg nak benci weh? cuba ko nengok betul2, anak babi tu comel... mak bapak dia je yang menakutkan....

Justifikasi aku kepada statement yang aku buat dua tahun lepas;

even curse word pun ade perkataan Babi, baik muslim atau non-muslim pun akan offended kalau kita panggil dia babi... so betul la babi is dirty? tak salah kan apa aku cakap? kalau salah, kenapa korang marah kalo org panggil kau babi? kenapa? kenapaaaaaaa? (Dramatik lagi)

Semua ini pasal tu la... tak de sape nak paham culture orang lain, tu jadik camni ni, sume dok bangga ngan bangsa sendrik, sampai hal remeh pasal babi pun nak gadoh, sampai tergerak aku nak wat post pasal bende ni... kalo kita saling memahami... takde la jadi camni... betul?

Off Being Gay...

2009-07-20T19:10:00.000-07:00

There was one time when I finished my form 5, I went to work as a cashier. So usually cashiers are females, I was the only male cashier there – or at least I thought I was. When I was still in my training, I asked my trainer about my all-female colleagues, there was this one ‘Akak’ who did caught my attention, she was tall and thin and beautiful – and she turns out to be a guy!

I was so shocked, being a 17 year old at that time, my horny-ness always urged me to fantasize about girls, and that ‘akak’, - before I knew he was a guy – have visited my dreams for quite sometime. Only after I knew, the dreams turns out to be a nightmare – something about a penis sprouting out from someone’s vagina – told you, a nightmare right? How much pressure can you put on a 17 year old?

So anyway, when I started going to college four years ago, my eyes was more exposed to these ‘girls who turns out to be a guy’ thing. I was educated by some of them that there are guys who looks like guys but looking for guys. Honestly, I don’t really understand. Most of us don’t understand how guys can look for penis rather than boobs… most of us turns a blind eye if we know that our friends enjoys sexual pleasure from a same sex partner.

Some of these ‘guys who love guys’ people are discriminated, at some time they were abused, another time they were mocked at, some certain time they were raped (?) by some of the straight guys. Sometimes, they were approached by a religious group asking them to stop being gay – this brings me to the next question – Is being a homosexual a choice?

Which one would you choose? Megan or Brad?

If it was a choice, why do these people choose to be one? Are they mad? I honestly don’t understand how can a guy reject boobs – (Imagining Megan Fox running in slow-motion, in a tight see-through white shirt, without any bra on – oh my God!) The idea of a naked Megan Fox can make any guy crosses their leg, so how can some guys turn down the idea of a naked Megan Fox and opt for a naked Brad Pitt instead? So, is it really a choice? If I was given a choice – Megan Fox, HERE I COME!!!

Some of the Homosexual guys that I know said that, they were that way since the day they were born. Huh, is it really inborn, did God really make them that way? Some religious group told me that that this is not the case. Making love to a same sex partner is a sin, so is it true that the feelings are inborn?

There is this Movie – Sutun, which had made me, opened my eyes about the homosexuals. (You should really watch the movie):

It is said in this movie, the boy, who is homosexual – after being rejected by the Man who is also his tutor. Went back crying and he did the Solat Sunat Taubat. Then he sat, thinking how can he overcome the feelings, he decided to accept the Feelings but never to indulge in it again, he said it is Jihad, ‘Jihad Melawan Nafsu’ means War to go against his desires. Since most religion condemns the same sex relationship.

This is when I got thinking. We always have problems right? Out of Money, family members or best friends dying, broken up with boyfriend/girlfriend – but it is a common understanding that all problems are actually tests from God to see how much faith do we have in Him. So, I think, God loves people with these ‘same sex’ desires more, he gave the feelings to them to test them 24/7 how much faith do these people have in Him, how long can they stand before they commit a sin, and do they repent if they do. Every time when we have problems, we have the tendencies to resort to do something stupid – which is always sinful, so for these ‘Homo’ guys, will they resort to do something sinful?

My conclusion is, if there is any ‘Homo’ guys out there, you are actually blessed, you have problems in which when you have patience against – you are given rewards more than you think. After all, we are not living for this world, we are living for the next.

For the people who think that they are normal, don’t abuse/discriminate/rape these people. Help them to stay strong against the feelings, because indulging in it is wrong, turn a blind eye as a friend committing a sin is also sinful. Let’s help these heroes, Mana tau dapat sikit-sikit tempias pahala diorg?

“Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan apa yang terdaya olehnya. Dia mendapat pahala kebaikan yang diusahakannya, dan dia juga menanggung dosa kejahatan yang diusahakannya.”
(Surah Al-Baqarah: 286)

Mengapekah colour kulit aku dihakimi?

2009-07-02T20:48:00.000-07:00

Kenape mesti colour kulit aku nak kene judge?

4 tahun lepas, semasa aku berkerja sebagai seroang cashier yang berjaya di sebuah hypermarket di kampungku, zaman ini adalah zaman Jaclyn Victor baru menang Malaysian Idol. Penuh corong radio dok mendendangkan lagu dia Gemilang - aku yg memang berminat ngan Jaclyn Victor penat menghafal lagu tu - takde la menghafal cam aku menghafal sifir 9, aku hafal pasal aku asik dengar je.

Nak disebutkan kisah, radio kat tempat kerje aku time tu tak habis2 mendendangkan lagu Gemilang tersebut. Sampai la kalau aku tengah melayan customer pun mulut aku boleh masih terkumat kamit menyanyi lagu tu jugak (takdela kuat sgt). Sampai la muncul seorang makcik ni nak membayar, aku pun melayan la makcik ni sambil mulut aku menyanyi... tetiba je makcik ni tercakap;

'Eh, pandai anak india sekarang nyanyi lagu melayu kan?'

Aku terdiam, ish, takkan la aku sorg je kot anak india yang boleh nyanyi lagu melayu? Aku tergamam jap, tangan aku pun turut berhenti dari nak scan barang yang makcik tu nak beli. Pastu aku senyum la, tak taw ape aku nak jawap, umo aku 17 mase tu, mentah lagi (haha).

'Selalu ke dengar lagu melayu?'

'Selalu jugak la MakCik' Aku menjawap sambil tersenyum tanpa ikhlas.

'Wah, anak cakap takde slang india kan?'

ish makcik ni, sume India cakap mesti ade slang ke? Same je la kalo org melayu cakap tamil mesti ade slang lain. Kenape la mak aku tak ajar aku cakap tamil, rase rugi tau tak?

'Anak ni, orang melayu ke bela?'

aku hanya mampu mengelengkan kepala, bila la barang makcik nak abes ni?

'Tak sangka org india pun minat nyanyi lagu melayu' MakCik tu sambung lagi...

'Er... MakCik, Jaclyn Victor pun india makcik... tapi dia nyanyi lagu melayu' aku membalas....

Aku pelik lepas makcik tu belah, aku pandang sekelilingku - ntah berapa ramai yang fikir aku tak pandai berkata dalam bahasa kebangaan Malaysia ini... oh aku sayangkan bahasa Melayu... tapi kenapa pasal kaler kulit aku org fikir aku bangang ha? Tipu la kalo kate org india tak pandai cakap bahasa melayu... jangan la stigma kan... tensen betul aku...

Aku ade membe ni, nama dia Siamala, seorang anak India jugak macam aku, tapi kelebihan dia adalah dia pandai bertutur dalam bahasa tamil (masih lagi tensen yang mak aku tak ajar aku bahasa tamil). Tapi korg nak tau tak? dia masuk debat bahasa melayu kot... dan bole plak dia menang... so? apa masalahnye lagi? kenape nak cakap 'wow, seorg india masuk debat... hebat!' La... dia org malaysia gak... macam kau dan aku... komfem la dia bole memperhebatkan diri dalam bahasa melayu....

Ni la, orang malaysia ni tak abes2 nak pikir yang bahasa tu milik satu bangsa, agama milik satu bangsa... weh... sume bende tu tuan punye dunia yang punye la! Sume org bole gunakan bahasa tu... sibuk ngan identiti... naik bosan aku... rilek2 sudah... sukati aku la kalo aku ni india nak ckp bahasa ape pun... ish ta paham aku..

Ntah la... sampai kekadang bile aku masuk masjid pun ade orang tegur aku ni muallaf ke... la... takkan la aku sorang je yang bermuka tak macam melayu masuk masjid... takkan la agama islam tu org melayu punye?

Mase aku tunggu bas haritu kan... tetiba ade satu mamat india ni... dia da pandang aku senyum2 da... aku ingat dia syok kat aku.. meremang gak la bulu roma aku... (sebab aku bukan gay) pastu tetiba dia datang dekat... aku tau la aku ensem... tapi aku ingat dia tertarik kat aku... rupanya dia nak check aku ni bangsa ape...

'Tamil terrimma (tahu bahasa tamil ke)?' Aku paham la yg ni... sebab ni mudah sgt...

'Sikit2' Aku balas dalam bahasa melayu... mmg sumpah aku ta pandai cakap... mak aku org tamil, bapak aku benggali... dua2 cakap bahasa lain... pasal tu la diorg decide bahasa melayu sbg bahasa kebangsaan dalam umah aku.

Pastu dia ketawakan aku... aku da tak puas hati... apsal lak ni? Aku cam nak hagul je pale mamat ni kat tiang. Pastu adla plak membe aku kat sebelah aku ni (Yang ngah tunggu bas ngan aku la) mnyuarakan pendapat;

'Dia ingat dia sedare ko'

Ish, mmg la aku ngan mamat tu serupa, sebangsa, bole plak dia nak ketawekan aku ta pandai cakap bahasa tamil (makin membuak tensen aku kat mak aku pasal tak ajar aku bahasa tamil)

Tapi ntahla... aku pun, yang lahir dalam keluarga campur pelbagai identiti ni tersangat la kompius, kenapa mesti nak maintain identity yang mempunyai ciri solid yang takleh nak tukar...? Tuan punye dunia cipta bende ni dalam keadaan pelbagai supaya kita berusaha mengenal dan menimba ilmu (motivasi ku) bukan untuk kita declare yang sesuatu ciri itu milik kita?

Walhal badan/body kita yang hot ni pun hanyalah pinjaman dari tuan punye dunia... bukan milik kita... lagilah bahasa dan bangsa...

bodo betul org yang judge aku paki kaler kulit aku... tensen...

Perception, performance and reputation

2009-06-29T02:40:00.000-07:00

You know, I was sitting around at home, being a very effective couch potato when my mind wanders back into my memories of myself when i was in standard six.

A week before the UPSR, my crazy Math teacher made a 'latih tubi' week. It was like, we have to go to school and spend our time answering math questions... it was like a test that would never end!

However, my teacher made the tests very interesting, he created a chart, for every test, who got the highest and second place and the third, and those who etched their name on the big noticeboard in front of the hall will get praises like they'd never heard - I was striving to have my name there, it was like you can be popular if you have your name on the chart! (Who'd thought being a Math whizz can make you cool?)

I tried really hard untill one day, suddenly after my arduos math-cramming - I made it into the chart - and I etched my name as the number 1 of the day! Suddenly the thought of maintaning the position got into my head - I was willing to make anything to maintain my name in the chart.

There were these two frineds, who always made it into the chart, but they always cheated! They would send notes through their erasers to each other to communicate - after i got my name up in the chart, cheating was the only way for me to maintain myself. SO before the next test, i told the two friends that I want in into their little scheme - and I did.

So, i think God wants to punish me for thinking those evil thoughts, when my friend threw his eraser to me, my teacher - I think he appeared in the mid throw magically! - caught it! And guess what? My dumb of a friend actually wrote my name on the eraser, and I was caught, not only that, the teacher actually announced it to everyone, and get this - because my name was on the eraser - my name was the only one mentioned, oh the horror.

Anyway for that test, I did not make it to the chart, actually my marks for that test was absolutely horrendous, I got 42% (yes, I remembered). And when my teacher was passing out the marks, he actually said to his colleague and in front of my classmates

'See what he got from the test, this is what he could do without cheating'

Yeah, I cried...

Anyway, if you think that wasn't bad enough, here's one better. I was actually clever in primary school - I always aced my test - only that math was not my favourite - in fact i hate math! That is why when the chart was created only for math, i want to maintain my fame even there. Well, my classmates lost their faith in me, they said that I always cheated to aced my other tests. That actually hurt me - a lot.

The news of that little incident made its way all the way to my mom's ears - who is always brutal when it comes to marks, well I have said there brutal, so you can only imagine what happend to me afterwards.

I was at the finish line, we were there - about to take the UPSR, I was a star in primary school, but my reputation tarnished moments before i crossed the finish line just because i made that one mistake!

It was funny really, how the perception of people changed after you made a mistake, but who can blame them? I was wrong.

One little slip, and that was it! Reputation was everything back then, and i screwed mine up!

The Amount of Love

2009-05-04T23:01:00.000-07:00

We are all busy with life. Sometimes even when we are doing nothing, our mind will think about politics, sex, money, gossips. We all have problems, like 'I got B- for my Reading Class', or 'I have run out of money'. But, sometimes, let us stop - stop thinking, stop doing anything, rest for a while, and close our eyes. Without you thinking, the most important picture comes into your mind - pictures of people you love. I am going to be way so sentimental here. I watched a video on YouTube. It is about a letter from a father named Matt to his son Eliot. You see, when Eliot was still in his mother's womb, the doctor said that he wouldn't last long. So the parents decided to record everything, every bits of his life. Everyday, they celebrated his birthday, and they kept saying that they were proud Eliot can get through the days. Eliot needs to be taken care and observe 24/7. His parents made shifts to take care of them. Eliot lived for only 99 days. The parents let go of 99 balloons on his funeral - to symbolise all the days that Eliot had lived. It made me think - how much can a person loved someone? When you think about the people you love, despite their really bad personalities, they are still family, you cannot help but to love them. My nieces came into my life nearly 2 years ago, honestly I was overwhelmed of how much love i felt for the both of them. One of my niece came that day with a sore throat, she could not even speak. I felt really guilty that earlier that week I'd hit her with my own hands because she smacked my computer. I know that hitting her doesn't contribute to the sore throat. But god - what is my lap top compared to my niece? Sometimes I think my problems are big enough for me to keep sighing all day. But i think the only problem in the world that can allow you to be depressed is the amount of love to your family. My niece, is an adopted baby. I can't say how, but I think somehow she knows that her real mother had given her up for adoption. She is really insecure of the way other people treats her. You can see it in her eyes, her face, whenever her cousin got something. She would stop and look, and then continue doing whatever she's doing.

The Jewish occupation on Palestine, and the thing that they do the Palestinians is unforgivable. I cannot understand how they can have a heart to kill people, those poor kids. I saw a picture once, a group of people tried to pull a girl out from rubbles - she was already dead. Can you imagine how she felt before she died? She must be cared out of her wits, hearing the sounds of explosions, gunshots. Can you imagine how she felt? And if you were there, and you know her, can you imagine your helplessness? And if the little girl asked for your help, can you imagine of what is going to be your answer to her.

My other niece, she had this things with lorries and the sound of their drumming engine. One time, she as at the kitchen, playing with her mother, suddenly came a lorry, moving behind my house. My niece screamed on top of he lungs, and run as fast as she could, she jumped on to of me, and took my hands. She was asking me to protect her from the lorry. Sure,i can protect her from the Lorry, since the Lorry dis not intend to do anything else but to take out the garbage. But what if, what if there was an explosion, and her life was at stake... what could I do to protect her? I could see the fright in her face that day but can i protect her from everything?

Afifah Nuwairah bte Muhammad Zaheer Khan
Even my heart cannot comprehend the amount of love that I have for her

This is my biggest problems in life, that I do not have the strength and patience to love them. I am still overwhelmed by the amount of love that I have for them.

Notice my Bahasa Melayu?

2009-04-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

I have been keeping a blind eye about this.

Since I was attacked by people's comments in some Malaysian famous author's blog, i have been keeping a blind eye about it.

'it' refers to the rise of the GMP, a group of activist who tried their hardest to cease the teaching of Math and Science in English.

look... for the sake of the GMP, let me converse here in BM, the real BM that we use everyday...

Sedih sgt macamane org politik boleh menggunakan pembelajaran budak2 sebagai gerakan politik diorang...

yang jadi mangsanya kite...

Penulis2 tersohor semua sanggup kuar jalan2 macam org tak cukup ilmu kat atas jalan raya tu bajet melindungi bangsa... apa yg diorg dpt? kasik goverment tekejut sekjap.. pastu gerakan tu jadi kayu api untuk membakar wadah politik diorg... ape lagi? slain dapat gas pemedih mate... slain dpat muncul kat muka depan surat khabar tempatan... yang kecohnye tahan tiga hari... ape lagi? bebudak kat skolah tu jadik pandai ke?

yang jadi mangsanya kite...

Kalo diorg bising kalau kita memberi impression kat bebudak (student) yg bahasa melayu bukan bahasa ilmu... daripada dirg dok sibuk2 pi jejalan kat kotaraya bawak sepanduk tak tentu pasal... baik diorg pi habihkan masa, wit dan tenaga pi translate sume ilmu yg dalam bahasa inggeris baik arab baik perancis baik sepanyol baik latin dalam bahasa melayu... martabatkan lah bahasa melayu sebagai bahasa ilmu...

diorg ni sume kuat melatah... (ye, kalo ade org GMP yg baca menealah ni, YES, I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU)... melataaaah je keje... takot sgt ngan bahasa inggeris... yg pemain2 siasah ni pun satu... brani kau memperkotak-katikan mase depan bebudak ni dan juga kami kerna permainan politik ko...

yg jadik mangsanya KITA

tau tak cane yg asalanya cakap inggeis ni bole hebat? Punya la diorg stadi bahasa org lain, dok pegi kota Baghdad tu, curik sume ilmu yang ade pastu diorg translate jadik bahasa diorg... pastu jadik la ilmu untuk diorg aplikasi kan dalam hidup diorg... tu diorg bole ebat tu... kita nak cipta ilmu baru dari tiada kepada ada... usaha baru sekerat dua... baru nak anta satu astronaut ke luar angkasa... nak bising lebih!

Pi la tolong bebudak ni ngan cipta ensiklopedia baru dalam bahasa melayu... cipta la banyak2... kalo ade org kate mmg da ade... aku tampar muka org tu smpi hilang gigi... mmg la da ade... tapi kalo aku tak nampak kat kedai yg aku slalu pegi... maksudnye susah la kanak2 ni sume nak bace... pegi la org2 GMP skalian... tak yah ko nak sibuk2 bising kat telinga pemain siasah tu sume... do buang mase je wat pe?

yg jadik mangsanye kita...

berhentilah oi... dah la... tak payah cari pasal lagi... daripada dok bising2 ni... baik kita concentrate cane nak selamatkan saudara kite kat palestine tu pun lagi bagus... lebih berhikmah... peluang dapat rahmat Tuan punye dunia lagi cerah!

Notice my Bahasa Melayu? With a lot of 'bahasa pasar'? This is how they speak it in this country... a shame to the beauty of the language... GMP, if you really want to save BM... repair this first!

The Colour Pink

2009-04-28T05:35:00.000-07:00

O Darkness brags your boring smell,
Come away from my doleful knell,
Ay, Through this hole I solemnly fell,
To me, I see no cure to this tale...

© Picture by AzharKhan

Until then,

When my soul is free,

When I’ve found my answers

When I've regained my steps,

When my hands can freely move,

When my heart allows me to...

Until then,

I will smile again...

Flow

2009-04-21T08:29:00.000-07:00

A dire need to prove himself,

he wants to dodge the double eyes,

a pair from a friend, a pair to look down for,

He is treading on the floor of lies he built so scrupulously,

leaning on the walls of pretence he defended so fiercely...

yet he is yielding to every thing that he sees...

he is a lie...

A desperate desire to prove himself,

a desire which made him succumbed to hatred,

a desire which has destroyed himself...

Ah... now he is on his knees...

crawling, and crawling and crawling and crawling...

yet he is getting nowhere...

he is full of disappointments...

now and forever....

© Picture by AzharKhan

When the sun goes,
I delved into sadness most.

The day has ended, yet...
I haven't been a person yet.

I dove into the big abyss,
of everything that had gone amiss.

I realised,
That I've ceased to remember,
I need to surrender.

Al-Fatihah

2009-04-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

Lemony Snicket once describe the surprise of death of a loved one so accurately that I feel obliged to share it here; You know when you are walking up the stairs? You step your feet confidently one by one expecting there will always be a step after another, but suddenly one of the steps is missing, and you fell, with the shock and the horrible sinking feeling in you tummy that would never end - that is how death is, it'll fill you with horrible, horrible surprise that would never end.

A friend's father died two days ago, he was SO young, it was a sudden death and there - I said sudden, it was a shock beyond anything. I could not, I could never wrapped my brain around that idea, losing a parent - I would never understand that, and that is what grieves me - I cannot imagine what my friend is going through, I wanted to understand - but I just cant.

This is one of those times when people say that we should feel the empathy - to put oneself in other's shoes and experienced their pain - believe me, This, is not one of the times.

When you lose a person to death, you are not only losing him, you are losing the IDEA of him, his presence, his idiosyncrasies, himself, and that is what pains me. My friend is one of those people who are VERY attached to his family, and I know he feels the pain thousand times more than I do, and that pains me too.

A few months ago, another friend of mine lost his father, his father have been sick for quite a long time and his father died in front of him, while he was nursing him. His mother died a few years ago and now both of his parents had died - now, this is another idea that my brain just cannot comprehend, I felt sad for my friend but that was just about it.

Scores of my classmates attended my friend's house for the funeral but none of us - none - knows what to say to him, the idea is too alien and I am really, really, really sorry that my friends have to experience it.

Al-Fatihah for
Allahyarham Bakry bin Abu Bakar
and
Condolences to his Family
and my friend.

and to everyone who have lost their loved ones

I Urge You to Think

2009-04-15T09:05:00.000-07:00

'Dan katakanlah "Telah datang kebenaran dan hilang lenyaplah kebatilan: sesungguhnya yang batil itu sememangnya suatu perkara yang memang lenyap.'
(al-Israa':81)

'Dan (ingatlah bahawa) kehidupan di dunia ini tidak lain hanyalah
ibarat hiburan dan permainan semata-mata: dan sesungguhnya
negeri akhirat itu ialah kehidupan yang sebenar-benarnya;
Kalaulah mereka tahu'
(al-Ankabut:64)

'Sesungguhnya Tuhanmu sentiasa melimpah-ruah kurnian-Nya kepada manusia tetapi kebanyakan manusia tidak bersyukur'
(an-Naml:73)

Women, Feminism and Chauvinists

2009-04-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

*When I say 'women' and when I refer to them as 'they' in this posts, it does not mean ALL women, this is just for them who call themselves feminists

My mother - the strongest woman I have ever known - once taught me that I need to respect women, and she emphasized on the fact that I should never hit a woman. I used to wonder why did she taught me that, because when I was small, my sisters (were not perfect) but they were such nice people that I thought my Mother did not have to remind me that - but, when I grew up, I came to know about the existence of feminism, and I thank God that my mother taught me what she taught, because I need the reminder so that I can brace myself against the feminists' pholisophy.

Now, I am not here to say that women are evil, but feminism is. Feminism is a philosophy that was birthed when women in America who fought their hardest to vote. The thing is, feminism was a must when women was still deprived of their rights, I respect(ed) that, but you see, I have never given Feminism a serious attention until one day, when I was in my class (trying my hardest to grasp the idea of linguistic), my female classmates and my lecturer started this talk about women's rights and how chauvinistic men can be.

In the midst of a heated argument, suddenly a male classmate piped in his opinion, which I think was quite rational - If women wanted equality SO much, why men still have to carry heavy things for them? Why men have to open doors for women?

Now, I am not saying that men want to stop being gentlemanly, but I was just wondering why do men still need to play our role as a man if women are not interested in being a woman. In the heated argument, my lecturer suddenly fired a question at us - Why do you boys hate to go to the kitchen so much? Will the act unman you?

I was bewildered... for one, I as a man, loves to go to the kitchen to either eat or cook - because I want to eat. Most men knows how to cook. I admit that there are some men who don't know how to but this is not the case, the thing is - our eastern culture does not define men to stay in the house and ready the household, men's obligation is to bring in the money, and to take care the welfare of his wife, mother, daughters and sisters. At least this is what Islam taught us to do, if taking care the welfare of the wife is to help her cleaning the toilet all by himself, so be it - that is his obligation.

I admit that some men in the past (and present too) are chauvinistic, they deprived women of their rights to even to speak just because they are the weaker sex, so women learn how to be strong, until to the extent that in some countries when men have stop depriving women of their rights, women still have their feminist movement - they do not want to cook anymore, they want to bring in the money - fine, but they still have some obligations to fulfilled, when my lecturer asked me that question, it tells me something, women are actually ashamed of their own roles, they think their responsibilities are second-classed by what men do. They think that cooking is not as good as doing some jobs outside and bring in the money in, they call this patriarchal.

Now the feminist situation is even as bad as when a man replace a pregnant woman in a corporate office, they say that it is sexism. They would say that 'Why do I have to be replaced just because I am on a labor leave?'

PRIORITIZE please, your biggest role is to be a mother, not a worker, why would women think that being a mother is secondary that being a worker? I would never understand this, this is not sexism, this is common sense. When some women stop working and become a mother full-time, other women would say that they are stupid and submitting to the laws of a chauvinist...

Dramatic much?

The point here is (before some women will come out to get me), women sometimes are campaigning even to those who are not chauvinistic. Both men and women are born with their own respective roles, own up to it, embrace it, and do not ask more that what you can actually do.

So It Begins

2009-04-14T08:54:00.000-07:00

I just hope the posts here will provoke thoughts and will hopefully create changes...